Psychic
Hi--what's this? A card--well, thanks. Nobody's ever given me a card here before, except for those smartasses who stuck my name on the retirement list a couple of years ago. So what's your career idea? Psychic? You mean you want to be able to talk to dead people and stuff? Oh right, that's a medium. Okay, so what do you need me for? Can't you just predict the future yourself?
What's that? Open the card. Okay. Oh look--it's my personal fortune predicted by you. That's...weird. Read it? Right... "Today will be auspicious because you will meet..." Auspicious? You'll have to dumb it down for the general public, I'm afraid.
Okay, okay. "...a future famous pyschic"....yada yada...uhmm, pretty generic, what? the bottom? "...and you will ask the tired old question 'why don't you just predict your own future' since you don't realize that the one future most pyschics can't see is their own".
Oh, I get it. Clever. So I acted like most rational people and took an easy potshot at your weirdo career choice. You'll complain to who? Oh sure, 'cause I'll look like the bad guy when you just presented me with my future that includes my death by heart attack a year before retirement.
All right, let's try this again. You'll leave high school and try to convince some chinese restaurants to let you write their fortunes, but they really want platitudes with lucky lottery numbers on the back rather than anything specific. Besides, you really can't write something specific and then trust some random waiter or waitress to get them to the right person, and they won't agree to have you hovering about the restaurant staring at the clientele and then trying to squeeze your hastily scribbled predictions into tiny fragile cookies.
You offer to sub for that woman who does the tarot readings down by the hemp store but it soon becomes clear you're too young and too preppy to be taken seriously by those patrons.
And so it goes. Nobody wants a young, fresh-faced fortune teller--and that goes for the newspaper horoscope department, the county fair and pretty much everywhere else. You get a short tryout with a psychic friends phone hotline, but when you won't do the shtick to get the people to stay on the line and buy extra readings, the hotline folks cut you loose.
You are depressed for a while, so you go to a psychic yourself and are told your future lies in the Big Apple. So off to New York you go, hoping that this prediction is more useful than most of the ones you've offered people.
There are no job openings in the psychic field in New York, but after a few unfulfilling gigs at coffee shops and delis, you answer an add to work as a coat check person in the Museum of Modern Art in Manhattan. You are at least able to interact with people a bit, and you don't have to remember drink orders.
Suddenly, after about six months on the job, you're hit with an inspiration. You notice one sad woman in the line at the coat check--she's hanging onto two kids and looking weary and worn. You want to help her, but beyond a kindly smile you don't know what to do. Then, after she and her children are off exploring the museum, you decide to write her an encouraging fortune. You slip a note in her pocket explaining that you're a psychic and you have a good feeling that things are going to get better.
You hide in the back when she comes to pick up her jacket, and worry that maybe you'll get into trouble for your boldness. Instead, one week later she shows up and after asking around discovers the note came from you. Turns out her husband was in the middle east and was missing--but his reconnaisance group had merely gotten out of radio range and her fears for him were unfounded. She hugs you and thanks you for helping her when she was at her lowest.
This gives you the courage to begin dropping more fortunes into the pockets of jackets and purses as inspiration hits you. You get away with it for a couple of weeks and then a coat check supervisor takes you aside and warns you to stop it. That instruction is quietly reversed, however, when one of the museum's most generous patrons stops by to personally thank you for your perceptive prediction.
Your fellow coat check staffers seemly mostly amused at your antics, though some simply find you annoying. Your fortunes tend to be mostly generic and positive, but still, you rarely have anyone come back and tell you that you nailed it, but there are always a few who return each week to complain that you're an idiot and you have no idea what's happening in their world.
You carry on, undaunted, even when the Village Voice features an article about you which includes two dozen examples of people whose fortunes you got hilariously wrong. In turn, this gives you a sort of cult following, not because people think you can predict the future, but more that they enjoy a chance to share their laughable fortunes--something made easier when a website, titled "Nostradoofus" is created devoted to your work.
Eventually you become too much of an embarrassment to your employers, and the lobby supervisor, a kindly older gentleman you know only as Mr. Parker, takes you aside and explains you have to stop the pocket fortunes. You sadly acquiesce, and find your work days more boring and unhappy as a result. Mr. Parker stops by from time to time and senses your unhappiness, so he always tries to cheer you up, something you appreciate.
You try to return the favor a few months later when you hear his wife has passed away from a sudden heart attack, but he becomes withdrawn, and rumors begin that he will probably retire soon. It is around that time you begin staying late at work to write horoscopes for your own website--which garners only a fraction of the hits of the one which mocks you--because it's easier to type up your predictions on the computer in the coat check office than it is to try to get serious work done in your apartment with your two roommates fighting with each other all the time.
You discover that Mr. Parker has a habit of stopping by a sculpture in the lobby of the museum after everyone's gone home, where he carries on a quiet one-sided conversation before picking up his coat and heading for the subway. It's quiet enough when the floor polishers and vaccuums are turned off for you to hear what he's saying, but you feel awkward about mentioning it to him.
Then one day you hear him say "I guess tomorrow will be the last day I'll be talking to you--but it has to be our secret because I don't want anyone to try talking me out of it". You're sure he's planning to just retire after the next day without any fanfare, and you realize that he's probably still grieving his wife's death and maybe some time away might help him move on.
Because you appreciate what he's done, you decide to write one more "coat check fortune", and you simply tell him that "while we'll miss you, after today everything will be just fine". You seal it inside an unmarked envelope and slip it in his coat.
The next day the museum is buzzing with the news that Mr. Parker committed suicide on his way home from work by stepping in front of a subway train. A few hours later the police come and take you to a small office where they ask you what you knew about his state of mind. You're puzzled until you discover that they found your fortune, still unopened, in his jacket pocket. Your words are interpreted as proving your foreknowledge of his plan to kill himself.
The staff all shun you for not trying to help their beloved boss, ignoring your explanation that you didn't really know his plans, and you eventually quit your job at the museum. You're desperate for some kind of work, and the writer at the Village Voice who helped make you a cult laughingstock feels guilty enough to get you a job taking phone-in classified ads at his paper.
You're bankrupted a year later when Mr. Parker's daughter sues you for not trying to help her suicidal father--the legal fees alone are far more than your meager income can manage. Around that time you're taken off the classified phone line at the paper because of your increasingly odd behavior--you begin offering unsolicited predictions of doom to those trying to sell their household goods. You're sent to a psychiatrist, and institutionalized indefinitely.
I'd come visit you in the nuthouse but apparently I'll be dead by then. Have fun.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
You can't go home again
It's weird being back here where I grew up. It's the first time I've visited here in a little over two years, and the first time I've come up when there hasn't been a family home to stay in.
The town has changed a bit since I was here last. Some places closed, some new ones, others being redone... but it doesn't feel all that different. It's more that there's a dichotomy--I feel like it's so familiar and home in a way, and yet still much more disconnected from this place than I used to be.
Weird also that my kids--grown up in a city about 20x bigger than this place--have said a couple of times that they'd like to live here. They then add conditions like "but I'd miss all my friends" but I guess it makes sense.
Summer is when this place is at its best. Plenty of great beaches to choose from, nice places to go wandering, none of the traffic that's so familiar back home. It doesn't take long to get anywhere when you're here. I remember when I moved away it took me a while to realize that you don't simply leave 10 minutes before you're supposed to arrive somewhere and then end up arriving five minutes early.
The friends we visit have it pretty good as well. We made pigs of ourselves at a very decadent bbq last night at the home of a friend I've known since fifth grade. In addition to his family was another friend I've known since grade one and his wife and kids as well.
Both families live a lifestyle that would cost more in the city. My kids see a very seductive side of this place when you're in a beautiful 5000 sq foot home with amenities that would take paragraphs to proclaim but I'll typify by mentioning the $9000 chandelier in the two-storey entryway.
We could sell our home, had we suitable employment here, and buy something much fancier in this town.
I explained to my kids as we were driving home, though, that there's another side to this place. Everyone knows your business, I tell them--gossip is the major pastime, and you never escape a mistake you might have made 20 years ago. The winter is deadly dull. There's only one movie theatre in town with one screen, and if that isn't your cup of tea you can visit the one (ugly) mall and see the same tired people wandering it. The average age here is probably close to retirement, at least it feels like that.
There's always rumours that some new industry is going to relocate here, and everyone gets excited. It usually doesn't pan out, though. The one main industry in the town used to employ almost 3000 people, back when I was in high school. Now there are maybe 600 people working there.
My kids understand it's not all as fun as it seems when we're here for short visits. Still, part of me likes the fact that they see the appeal of this simple place where I grew up. My wife and I have begun to realize that if the money were suddenly available, and the price right, we'd love a summer place up here. Maybe that's something we'll try to make a reality down the road.
Here's a pic from the lake yesterday. Today we're off to explore some more, and probably hit one of the nice ocean beaches where we can swim this afternoon.
I won't be sad to get home on Friday, though.
The town has changed a bit since I was here last. Some places closed, some new ones, others being redone... but it doesn't feel all that different. It's more that there's a dichotomy--I feel like it's so familiar and home in a way, and yet still much more disconnected from this place than I used to be.
Weird also that my kids--grown up in a city about 20x bigger than this place--have said a couple of times that they'd like to live here. They then add conditions like "but I'd miss all my friends" but I guess it makes sense.
Summer is when this place is at its best. Plenty of great beaches to choose from, nice places to go wandering, none of the traffic that's so familiar back home. It doesn't take long to get anywhere when you're here. I remember when I moved away it took me a while to realize that you don't simply leave 10 minutes before you're supposed to arrive somewhere and then end up arriving five minutes early.
The friends we visit have it pretty good as well. We made pigs of ourselves at a very decadent bbq last night at the home of a friend I've known since fifth grade. In addition to his family was another friend I've known since grade one and his wife and kids as well.
Both families live a lifestyle that would cost more in the city. My kids see a very seductive side of this place when you're in a beautiful 5000 sq foot home with amenities that would take paragraphs to proclaim but I'll typify by mentioning the $9000 chandelier in the two-storey entryway.
We could sell our home, had we suitable employment here, and buy something much fancier in this town.
I explained to my kids as we were driving home, though, that there's another side to this place. Everyone knows your business, I tell them--gossip is the major pastime, and you never escape a mistake you might have made 20 years ago. The winter is deadly dull. There's only one movie theatre in town with one screen, and if that isn't your cup of tea you can visit the one (ugly) mall and see the same tired people wandering it. The average age here is probably close to retirement, at least it feels like that.
There's always rumours that some new industry is going to relocate here, and everyone gets excited. It usually doesn't pan out, though. The one main industry in the town used to employ almost 3000 people, back when I was in high school. Now there are maybe 600 people working there.
My kids understand it's not all as fun as it seems when we're here for short visits. Still, part of me likes the fact that they see the appeal of this simple place where I grew up. My wife and I have begun to realize that if the money were suddenly available, and the price right, we'd love a summer place up here. Maybe that's something we'll try to make a reality down the road.
Here's a pic from the lake yesterday. Today we're off to explore some more, and probably hit one of the nice ocean beaches where we can swim this afternoon.
I won't be sad to get home on Friday, though.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
overhead
Thought I'd post this very short clip from Sunday--they flew over our house several times and I caught part of the last pass.
I don't hate PETA
...except when they pull this crap.
Skip to the fourth paragraph from the bottom of the article to see what disgust me about this cynical opportunism.
Skip to the fourth paragraph from the bottom of the article to see what disgust me about this cynical opportunism.
Sunday, August 03, 2008
Crackboo... er, Facebook Groups I'd join--
--if I were into joining facebook groups:
Amanda Ray University of Awesome
('cause there's that cool dinosaur, and well, it's a university of "Awesome")
Serious coffee could kick Starbuck's ass if they were giant robots
('cause it's true)
Totally Serial Citizens for the Eradication of ManBearPig.
(just for fun read the comment posts)
Dear God, I Am Totally Awkward
(Actually, I don't think I am, usually, but I like the posted stories in the comments.)
For those who hate the Maple Leafs
(It's a hockey thing, and I'm one of them)
and there's a whole bunch of others I can't bother to find again. Trust me, they'd be good ones if I did though...
Amanda Ray University of Awesome
('cause there's that cool dinosaur, and well, it's a university of "Awesome")
Serious coffee could kick Starbuck's ass if they were giant robots
('cause it's true)
Totally Serial Citizens for the Eradication of ManBearPig.
(just for fun read the comment posts)
Dear God, I Am Totally Awkward
(Actually, I don't think I am, usually, but I like the posted stories in the comments.)
For those who hate the Maple Leafs
(It's a hockey thing, and I'm one of them)
and there's a whole bunch of others I can't bother to find again. Trust me, they'd be good ones if I did though...
Thursday, July 31, 2008
and miles to go before I sleep
stresses suddenly about--don't think I want to post much about it here.
On the nice side, we got my son a new bike or his birthday yesterday, and I ended up going on a bike ride with him after we got back from supper out. Today I discovered that there are some muscles that don't like being ignored for a long time and suddenly called back into action.
I think I need to bike more.
On the nice side, we got my son a new bike or his birthday yesterday, and I ended up going on a bike ride with him after we got back from supper out. Today I discovered that there are some muscles that don't like being ignored for a long time and suddenly called back into action.
I think I need to bike more.
From the Edmonton Sun
Article here.
'a management team would be waiting in Brandon to meet the passengers when they arrived "to take care of any needs they may have"...even trauma counselling, if necessary.'
Gee, ya think?
'a management team would be waiting in Brandon to meet the passengers when they arrived "to take care of any needs they may have"...even trauma counselling, if necessary.'
Gee, ya think?
Saturday, July 26, 2008
summer ain't all it's cracked up to be
Actually, I love the break, but some extra family responsibilities and an abundance of chores have made it not exactly the most relaxing summer ever.
Getting lots accomplished, though, and having some decent family/relaxing time in between.
We went to Mamma Mia last night--didn't get a chance to see the live show in NY when I was there, but I will confess I enjoyed the movie--probably my wife and I shouldn't have dragged our kids to it, although our daughter liked it. Son--not so much.
I think it's probably something more enjoyed by our generation--the 40 - 55 set, perhaps. Meryl Streep pulled off her role better than I would've expected--I know she's a great actress, but it's different from what she usually does.
Meanwhile, blog is being neglected--ten days since the last post--but maybe not so long 'til the next one.
Getting lots accomplished, though, and having some decent family/relaxing time in between.
We went to Mamma Mia last night--didn't get a chance to see the live show in NY when I was there, but I will confess I enjoyed the movie--probably my wife and I shouldn't have dragged our kids to it, although our daughter liked it. Son--not so much.
I think it's probably something more enjoyed by our generation--the 40 - 55 set, perhaps. Meryl Streep pulled off her role better than I would've expected--I know she's a great actress, but it's different from what she usually does.
Meanwhile, blog is being neglected--ten days since the last post--but maybe not so long 'til the next one.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Why you should visit - a picture post (locals can just skip this)
I haven't got much to offer--there's stress on the parent health front; I spent 7 hours in the emergency ward on Monday, but I won't go into that here. Instead, I offer a whole bunch of pics for any who want to bother scrolling through. They're all from this area--mostly Victoria, plus elsewhere on Vancouver Island and maybe the ferry to Powell River. I haven't even got the Butchart Gardens anywhere here, and that's what a lot of people come to see.
Downtown
View from inside the museum
Museum- a decent range of exhibits plus the Imax theatre as well
The museum's display of well-known British Columbians.
Part of the war bride exhibit
Some of the totem poles near the museum
Last Monday we ate lunch at the Old Spaghetti Factory--out on the corner on the patio where we could people (tourist) watch. We saw at least one bus every minute or so. The red one is from Pennsylvania, while the one behind it is from California.
There are a bunch of tour companies that will gladly show you the city by bus or even horse-drawn carriage.
Restaurants in converted mansions.
Whale-watching tours
Fancy Hotels
and, of course, the scenery:
(this pic is from the Malahat--the rather steep drive we take when going north--it's not my photo; I found it on the net)
(this is a shot from the university campus in the fall)
Next, you could drive an hour or two up island and have a variety of choices available:
Caving near Horne Lake
or canoeing on Horne Lake itself
Qualicum Beach--the water's warm and very nice for swimming in the summer, unlike the ocean further south here in Vic.
Yellow Point near Nanaimo
ferry to Powell River
Englishman River near Parksville
Campground/resort near Parksville where we stayed last weekend
Rathtrevor Beach - Also good for swimming--tide goes way out and comes in over the hot sand and the water is really warm.
There's a ton more I've left out--festivals, events--so much. Plus of course, there's Vancouver and all the other attractions not far.
And as a bonus, if you come up I'll buy you a local draft at one of our ubiquitous neighborhood pubs. :)
Downtown
View from inside the museum
Museum- a decent range of exhibits plus the Imax theatre as well
The museum's display of well-known British Columbians.
Part of the war bride exhibit
Some of the totem poles near the museum
Last Monday we ate lunch at the Old Spaghetti Factory--out on the corner on the patio where we could people (tourist) watch. We saw at least one bus every minute or so. The red one is from Pennsylvania, while the one behind it is from California.
There are a bunch of tour companies that will gladly show you the city by bus or even horse-drawn carriage.
Restaurants in converted mansions.
Whale-watching tours
Fancy Hotels
and, of course, the scenery:
(this pic is from the Malahat--the rather steep drive we take when going north--it's not my photo; I found it on the net)
(this is a shot from the university campus in the fall)
Next, you could drive an hour or two up island and have a variety of choices available:
Caving near Horne Lake
or canoeing on Horne Lake itself
Qualicum Beach--the water's warm and very nice for swimming in the summer, unlike the ocean further south here in Vic.
Yellow Point near Nanaimo
ferry to Powell River
Englishman River near Parksville
Campground/resort near Parksville where we stayed last weekend
Rathtrevor Beach - Also good for swimming--tide goes way out and comes in over the hot sand and the water is really warm.
There's a ton more I've left out--festivals, events--so much. Plus of course, there's Vancouver and all the other attractions not far.
And as a bonus, if you come up I'll buy you a local draft at one of our ubiquitous neighborhood pubs. :)
Friday, July 11, 2008
why i'm not posting
I've been doing my school's website for over a decade. It's been sadly neglected lately, so finally I spent some time revamping the whole thing.
It used to be black with white lettering, with a flash menu on top--buttons that change color and such.
It got old. I've still got a ton to update on it, but I've uploaded the work thus far.
It used to be black with white lettering, with a flash menu on top--buttons that change color and such.
It got old. I've still got a ton to update on it, but I've uploaded the work thus far.
More later, either here or the other place.
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Evolving cool
The things you covet change as you become older. I recall when a set of shiny chrome mags for my Nova was what my 19 year self was excited about.
You know you're old when you get jazzed about a new, really big composter:
What can I say? We're garden geeks. Finally we're getting some warmer weather the past couple of weeks. So far it's just been the radishes (all picked) and onions we've been eating, but I expect by this time next week we'll have fresh peas on the menu:
Anybody wanna come pull some weeds?
You know you're old when you get jazzed about a new, really big composter:
What can I say? We're garden geeks. Finally we're getting some warmer weather the past couple of weeks. So far it's just been the radishes (all picked) and onions we've been eating, but I expect by this time next week we'll have fresh peas on the menu:
Anybody wanna come pull some weeds?
Exactly 17 years ago...
... I think we'd finished the wedding ceremony and were heading off to do the photos in the gardens at the university. Then it was off to the reception.
If I weren't being more circumspect I'd post a photo or two here in honour of the occasion. Maybe I'll put something elsewhere.
We'll be abandoning the kids and going off for dinner at a nice retaurant downtown this evening.
In other news: We've succumbed to the lure of Tivo. Well, it's not called that here, but it's something similar. Apparently, the combo of new TV and digital recorder/cable box is what my birthday present money from parents and inlaws went to and it's also my present from family. I think my daughter's the one who is actually most pumped about it, though--now we have Family Channel, which is essentially the same as Disney Channel down south. Sooo much Hannah Montana and Jonas Brothers...
I have to admit, although we've always been limited t.v. watchers--our kids' friends would think us luddites when they'd come here to discover we have only one television in the house (our kids' buddies around the corner have 5 t.v.s in a home with 4 people) and that we don't have playstation, WII or X-Box. We also have had fewer t.v. channel options on our old fashioned non-hd t.v. for them to watch here.
Now we have an HD t.v. It's not huge, but I admit, the picture is amazing. I think sports and outdoor shows are the most spectacular. I even found myself zoning out and watching 4th of july fireworks on one of the HD channels.
Nice thing is, we've revamped our cable/internet package and even though we get a bunch more stations and the ones we actually want, we're paying a little less than we were before.
Still, we don't watch a lot of TV. This time of year, in particular, we're out and about, working in the garden, enjoying the things this area has to offer, going up island to beaches, hanging out with the neighbors--things you'll remember longer than what was on the tube last week. Our neighbourhood is great; typical was a couple nights ago when we're out cutting/raking our hedges at about 9 p.m., then stopping to visit with the neighbors with the twin babies and then off to another neighbors to inspect a new deck and give advice on our old pool we passed along to them that they're setting up. Then soon there are remote control cars zipping around the cul-de-sac and not long after a couple of remote control helicopters buzzing around. Across the back fence is our old swing set we gave to other neighbors, which we got from neighbors whose kids had outgrown them before.
We're moving into the next phase of life when the kids are more involved in their out of the home lives than they are as much with us. It sneaks up on you. Just this past week eldest has had several days with friends at the beach, another evening out with a friend downtown for dinner and fireworks, and today at an "organic fair" because a friend is performing there.
We even had the rare but probably soon to be more frequent experience of my wife and I packing it in for the night while the kids were still up--it's weird that their bedtimes might be later than ours sometimes.
This is a rambly kind of post. Summary: Life is good, and summer life is really good.
If I weren't being more circumspect I'd post a photo or two here in honour of the occasion. Maybe I'll put something elsewhere.
We'll be abandoning the kids and going off for dinner at a nice retaurant downtown this evening.
In other news: We've succumbed to the lure of Tivo. Well, it's not called that here, but it's something similar. Apparently, the combo of new TV and digital recorder/cable box is what my birthday present money from parents and inlaws went to and it's also my present from family. I think my daughter's the one who is actually most pumped about it, though--now we have Family Channel, which is essentially the same as Disney Channel down south. Sooo much Hannah Montana and Jonas Brothers...
I have to admit, although we've always been limited t.v. watchers--our kids' friends would think us luddites when they'd come here to discover we have only one television in the house (our kids' buddies around the corner have 5 t.v.s in a home with 4 people) and that we don't have playstation, WII or X-Box. We also have had fewer t.v. channel options on our old fashioned non-hd t.v. for them to watch here.
Now we have an HD t.v. It's not huge, but I admit, the picture is amazing. I think sports and outdoor shows are the most spectacular. I even found myself zoning out and watching 4th of july fireworks on one of the HD channels.
Nice thing is, we've revamped our cable/internet package and even though we get a bunch more stations and the ones we actually want, we're paying a little less than we were before.
Still, we don't watch a lot of TV. This time of year, in particular, we're out and about, working in the garden, enjoying the things this area has to offer, going up island to beaches, hanging out with the neighbors--things you'll remember longer than what was on the tube last week. Our neighbourhood is great; typical was a couple nights ago when we're out cutting/raking our hedges at about 9 p.m., then stopping to visit with the neighbors with the twin babies and then off to another neighbors to inspect a new deck and give advice on our old pool we passed along to them that they're setting up. Then soon there are remote control cars zipping around the cul-de-sac and not long after a couple of remote control helicopters buzzing around. Across the back fence is our old swing set we gave to other neighbors, which we got from neighbors whose kids had outgrown them before.
We're moving into the next phase of life when the kids are more involved in their out of the home lives than they are as much with us. It sneaks up on you. Just this past week eldest has had several days with friends at the beach, another evening out with a friend downtown for dinner and fireworks, and today at an "organic fair" because a friend is performing there.
We even had the rare but probably soon to be more frequent experience of my wife and I packing it in for the night while the kids were still up--it's weird that their bedtimes might be later than ours sometimes.
This is a rambly kind of post. Summary: Life is good, and summer life is really good.
Friday, July 04, 2008
Jesse Helms won't be missed on this side of the border
It's funny how mention of Cuba leads to histrionics from the U.S. right wing much like the suggestion that someone's right to keep 50 assault rifles in their basement might be in any way limited by any law.
Yet China can repress and torture and do all the business with the U.S. it wants. Nixon, further right than many republicans, gets credit for opening that door.
Jesse Helms characterized Canada's trade with Cuba as similar to Neville Chamberlain's appeasement of Hitler. Really? Wasn't Canada in the war against Hitler for two years before the U.S.? Wasn't it U.S. right-wingers who are the idealogical forebears of Helms who strongly opposed going to war against Hitler prior to the attack on Pearl Harbor?
Helms went so far as to suggest Canadians were holidaying there to patronize Cuban prostitution.
The Helms-Burton bill punished corporate executives of companies that did business in Cuba; there are apparently today still some Canadian business people who are not allowed into the U.S. due to this legislation.
Another area of contention is the continual application of punitive countervailing lumber import duties. Time after time these duties would go before international trade courts and each time they would be ruled against. Helms and his cohorts would then craft new legislation to reimpose the same duties.
And I haven't even mentioned his tarnished record in the area of civil rights over the years.
Some will lionize him, suggesting it fitting that he died on July 4th, apropos for a great political leader, but don't expect me to take a photograph by any memorials erected to this redneck.
(sorry--I hope my friends to the south don't take offense at this--it's probably better form to look back on a life just ended and celebrate all the public service, but I just can't share that sentiment)
Yet China can repress and torture and do all the business with the U.S. it wants. Nixon, further right than many republicans, gets credit for opening that door.
Jesse Helms characterized Canada's trade with Cuba as similar to Neville Chamberlain's appeasement of Hitler. Really? Wasn't Canada in the war against Hitler for two years before the U.S.? Wasn't it U.S. right-wingers who are the idealogical forebears of Helms who strongly opposed going to war against Hitler prior to the attack on Pearl Harbor?
Helms went so far as to suggest Canadians were holidaying there to patronize Cuban prostitution.
The Helms-Burton bill punished corporate executives of companies that did business in Cuba; there are apparently today still some Canadian business people who are not allowed into the U.S. due to this legislation.
Another area of contention is the continual application of punitive countervailing lumber import duties. Time after time these duties would go before international trade courts and each time they would be ruled against. Helms and his cohorts would then craft new legislation to reimpose the same duties.
And I haven't even mentioned his tarnished record in the area of civil rights over the years.
Some will lionize him, suggesting it fitting that he died on July 4th, apropos for a great political leader, but don't expect me to take a photograph by any memorials erected to this redneck.
(sorry--I hope my friends to the south don't take offense at this--it's probably better form to look back on a life just ended and celebrate all the public service, but I just can't share that sentiment)
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Let the posting begin
I know I haven't been posting here much. Now it's actually summer and life's shedding the burden of busyness a little, I think that will change. Not that there's any promise of quality, though.
For those of you who read the India travel blog I had linked from here, (or the pretty much abandoned blog linked on the left) I offer another side of Milly:
http://www.themetropolitan.ca/story_tobanralston_thesecretgarden.php?menu=Content
Smart, funny and she cleans up pretty good, it appears. (She's the blonde one.) It's from a photoshoot thing she did after getting back home not too long ago.
More posting to come.
For those of you who read the India travel blog I had linked from here, (or the pretty much abandoned blog linked on the left) I offer another side of Milly:
http://www.themetropolitan.ca/story_tobanralston_thesecretgarden.php?menu=Content
Smart, funny and she cleans up pretty good, it appears. (She's the blonde one.) It's from a photoshoot thing she did after getting back home not too long ago.
More posting to come.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Finally
Summer's here. Last day at work yesterday, and at noon picked up a friend who's in town and we went and wandered Willows Beach. No wind--which is not the norm around here, at least down at the beach.
We had a sucky spring. So far, though, summer's trying to make it up to us. Last night was amazing, again, no wind, warm--after supper we got our pool set up. Today and the next few days it's supposed to be into the low 80s.
Lots of jobs to do, now--but it's the stuff you put off until you have time, and now I have some. First summer in a while with no masters degree to worry about.
Thursday evening I took a bunch of my graduating theatre kids out for dinner. I may post a few pics from that. I had gotten changed in a hurry and headed off--it's probably a sign of how worn out I've been lately that I had misbuttoned my shirt and it stayed that way all evening. Funny that none of my young dinner companions would take the opportunity to mock my dressing skills. Must've been too dark in the restaurant--or so I can hope.
I'm off to go water the garden and finish prepping the pool. Enjoy your weekend, folks.
Oh, and an aside to Jenny: Maybe so, but how many different phone numbers does a monkey really have to learn, anyway? His bookie, a good pizza delivery place, and maybe the PETA donation line?
We had a sucky spring. So far, though, summer's trying to make it up to us. Last night was amazing, again, no wind, warm--after supper we got our pool set up. Today and the next few days it's supposed to be into the low 80s.
Lots of jobs to do, now--but it's the stuff you put off until you have time, and now I have some. First summer in a while with no masters degree to worry about.
Thursday evening I took a bunch of my graduating theatre kids out for dinner. I may post a few pics from that. I had gotten changed in a hurry and headed off--it's probably a sign of how worn out I've been lately that I had misbuttoned my shirt and it stayed that way all evening. Funny that none of my young dinner companions would take the opportunity to mock my dressing skills. Must've been too dark in the restaurant--or so I can hope.
I'm off to go water the garden and finish prepping the pool. Enjoy your weekend, folks.
Oh, and an aside to Jenny: Maybe so, but how many different phone numbers does a monkey really have to learn, anyway? His bookie, a good pizza delivery place, and maybe the PETA donation line?
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Pavlov's got us figured
We are now in the transition phase of going from 7 digit phone numbers to having to use all 10 for local calls.
That means that for the next two months or so, every time you forget to dial the area code first, you'll still get your call through, but not before you listen to an incredibly loud and annoying recording telling you that soon you'll need to dial all 10 numbers--and it plays twice.
Needless to say, they'll have us all conditioned to make the change before the actual deadline when local calls won't work the old way.
I guess we've been spoiled; my home town has been doing this for at least five years.
When we were in New York in March we stayed in the Murray Hill area, and it made me think of all those old movies where someone wants to put a call through and gives a number with two words in front, like Murray Hill 48932 or something like that. I guess you used the MH letter equivalents on the old dial phones to get that particular neighborhood.
Growing up, we just had to dial 5 numbers. My home number was 5-5937. All the ones in our part of town began with 5, while those up where my grandmother lived began with 3. It was easy enough to learn all your friends' numbers.
Now our phones all have speed dial and contact lists and I realized the other day I still don't know my own kids' cell numbers--I have just been using the contacts list to call them.
Man, do I sound like a grumpy old codger in this post. Maybe I should do a rant about the good old days when I could fill up my gas tank for under 20 bucks.
That means that for the next two months or so, every time you forget to dial the area code first, you'll still get your call through, but not before you listen to an incredibly loud and annoying recording telling you that soon you'll need to dial all 10 numbers--and it plays twice.
Needless to say, they'll have us all conditioned to make the change before the actual deadline when local calls won't work the old way.
I guess we've been spoiled; my home town has been doing this for at least five years.
When we were in New York in March we stayed in the Murray Hill area, and it made me think of all those old movies where someone wants to put a call through and gives a number with two words in front, like Murray Hill 48932 or something like that. I guess you used the MH letter equivalents on the old dial phones to get that particular neighborhood.
Growing up, we just had to dial 5 numbers. My home number was 5-5937. All the ones in our part of town began with 5, while those up where my grandmother lived began with 3. It was easy enough to learn all your friends' numbers.
Now our phones all have speed dial and contact lists and I realized the other day I still don't know my own kids' cell numbers--I have just been using the contacts list to call them.
Man, do I sound like a grumpy old codger in this post. Maybe I should do a rant about the good old days when I could fill up my gas tank for under 20 bucks.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Poetry by Dythandra
Pomp and Circumstance
The parentals have that look again,
Wary of what is coming
Like all trainable mammals
They learn from experience.
The first salvo is fired by my mother:
"We have to make plans" she bleats.
Plans.
I have many of them
Some involve explosives.
Probably best not to share those just yet.
"What plans?" I ask sweetly.
She hesitates, then pent-up dreams of conformity
Pour forth.
Photos, my dress, my date, a dinner, relatives, limo...
She pauses, a far-off look in her eyes
No doubt remembering some moment of import--
Her first emptying of stomach contents inspired by cheap rum,
Or drunken libidinal fumblings in the back of borrowed car
The adolescent middle-class dream.
When she finishes, too much revealed, she waits;
Her fear of further disappointment
Springing from the one product of her loins--
Yours truly, a scratch-and-win ticket that proclaimed "Please try again"
But the lottery booth was already closed,
So she plays this losing hand once more.
I almost feel a pang of sympathy,
But recall my childhood mortification as a fourth-grader
When neighbor kids asked why my mother talked that way
And we had so many empty bottles in our trash.
I sigh. "I haven't given it much thought."
Not true--I just push it from the forefront of my mind
For self-indulgent differentness is a luxury of the young
And with this passage I shall face intolerance
For my admittedly pretentious misanthropy.
Metacognition it's called, by those dozens of parenting volumes
Populating my mother's bookcase of futility.
This "milestone" serves to inspire reflection,
Even in one so unrecalcitrant as myself.
A date? Probably not this troubled boy
I think I inspired his prescriptions.
The bus driver's too old,
(Plus I hear he got busted for dealing downtown)
My neighbor's mother will call the cops,
And were Danny suitable, there's that little problem
Of shared DNA.
I could defy the heterocentrist agenda,
But even if the objects of my affections were compliant
I've no desire to become the target
Of peurile Facebook photo tags.
So in a moment of weakness,
I solve another's fear of flying solo
On this evening that belongs to
The partnered and paired.
My outfit for the evening is another point of contention
My mother has a history of being disappointed in my attire
And seems relieved when I admit I'll wear a dress
--Decorated by an artistic print, I assure her--
(Did you know Dali liked to work with decomposing equines?)
My mother plans a family dinner, with all manner of kin
Joining on this awkward occasion.
They show up with ill-chosen gifts
(Grandmama never could shop for me)
But my favorite is my uncle's book of Irish saints
With an offer to bootleg refreshments for me and my date
Tucked neatly by a description of St. Faoileann.
I almost blush to admit I didn't go out with an explosion,
Though I did allow myself one little indulgence;
One of my two former disciples--the one with the less hysterical mother--
Has kept in touch.
Careful timing allowed her to replace the CD
Chosen for our triumphant recessional from the Graduation Hall
Certainly you'd agree--that annoying Vitamin C song is far less apropos
Than "Highway to Hell".
Alas, maturity awaits. I think I shall let it cool its heels
A little bit longer.
The parentals have that look again,
Wary of what is coming
Like all trainable mammals
They learn from experience.
The first salvo is fired by my mother:
"We have to make plans" she bleats.
Plans.
I have many of them
Some involve explosives.
Probably best not to share those just yet.
"What plans?" I ask sweetly.
She hesitates, then pent-up dreams of conformity
Pour forth.
Photos, my dress, my date, a dinner, relatives, limo...
She pauses, a far-off look in her eyes
No doubt remembering some moment of import--
Her first emptying of stomach contents inspired by cheap rum,
Or drunken libidinal fumblings in the back of borrowed car
The adolescent middle-class dream.
When she finishes, too much revealed, she waits;
Her fear of further disappointment
Springing from the one product of her loins--
Yours truly, a scratch-and-win ticket that proclaimed "Please try again"
But the lottery booth was already closed,
So she plays this losing hand once more.
I almost feel a pang of sympathy,
But recall my childhood mortification as a fourth-grader
When neighbor kids asked why my mother talked that way
And we had so many empty bottles in our trash.
I sigh. "I haven't given it much thought."
Not true--I just push it from the forefront of my mind
For self-indulgent differentness is a luxury of the young
And with this passage I shall face intolerance
For my admittedly pretentious misanthropy.
Metacognition it's called, by those dozens of parenting volumes
Populating my mother's bookcase of futility.
This "milestone" serves to inspire reflection,
Even in one so unrecalcitrant as myself.
A date? Probably not this troubled boy
I think I inspired his prescriptions.
The bus driver's too old,
(Plus I hear he got busted for dealing downtown)
My neighbor's mother will call the cops,
And were Danny suitable, there's that little problem
Of shared DNA.
I could defy the heterocentrist agenda,
But even if the objects of my affections were compliant
I've no desire to become the target
Of peurile Facebook photo tags.
So in a moment of weakness,
I solve another's fear of flying solo
On this evening that belongs to
The partnered and paired.
My outfit for the evening is another point of contention
My mother has a history of being disappointed in my attire
And seems relieved when I admit I'll wear a dress
--Decorated by an artistic print, I assure her--
(Did you know Dali liked to work with decomposing equines?)
My mother plans a family dinner, with all manner of kin
Joining on this awkward occasion.
They show up with ill-chosen gifts
(Grandmama never could shop for me)
But my favorite is my uncle's book of Irish saints
With an offer to bootleg refreshments for me and my date
Tucked neatly by a description of St. Faoileann.
I almost blush to admit I didn't go out with an explosion,
Though I did allow myself one little indulgence;
One of my two former disciples--the one with the less hysterical mother--
Has kept in touch.
Careful timing allowed her to replace the CD
Chosen for our triumphant recessional from the Graduation Hall
Certainly you'd agree--that annoying Vitamin C song is far less apropos
Than "Highway to Hell".
Alas, maturity awaits. I think I shall let it cool its heels
A little bit longer.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Another day, another one found
This is since that last post. Gina Marie put a link to an article in her comment on the last post, and here's another link to info about the sixth foot which was found today.
I'll actually find other stuff to post about, but for now, I'm just following up on earlier posts about this topic.
It may be there's been a serial killer or some other multiple murder who weights down the bodies and throws them in the ocean. Natural processes mean that the feet, protected by buoyant running shoes, would eventually come to the surface and wash ashore.
Still very creepy. The fact that there has been no success in identifying any of the victims makes me wonder if it is something to do with a human smuggling operation gone awry. We had problems about ten years ago with ships coming from China with illegal immigrants stowed away--people who'd paid their life savings to organized crime groups to get them here, which was seen by many as a way to more easily get into the U.S.
9/11 changed that with increased border security, to some extent.
This is getting to the point it's going to make people think twice about coming here for a fishing/seaside holiday.
I'll actually find other stuff to post about, but for now, I'm just following up on earlier posts about this topic.
It may be there's been a serial killer or some other multiple murder who weights down the bodies and throws them in the ocean. Natural processes mean that the feet, protected by buoyant running shoes, would eventually come to the surface and wash ashore.
Still very creepy. The fact that there has been no success in identifying any of the victims makes me wonder if it is something to do with a human smuggling operation gone awry. We had problems about ten years ago with ships coming from China with illegal immigrants stowed away--people who'd paid their life savings to organized crime groups to get them here, which was seen by many as a way to more easily get into the U.S.
9/11 changed that with increased border security, to some extent.
This is getting to the point it's going to make people think twice about coming here for a fishing/seaside holiday.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
The Cynical Career Counselor Explains Your Future as an
NBA Referee
Hi kid. NBA? Nobody’s ever made it from here and I’ve seen some... What? Oh, a referee. Well, that’s not an easy gig to break into either, but if you’re lucky, it might go something like this:
You’ll take weekend workshops so you can do more than call the freshman girls games and by next fall you’ll be that graduate who didn’t go to college but took a job in the video store so he could be available to referee as many high school games as possible.
You’ll get used to working that two man tandem, and you’ll develop the ability to tune out all the catcalls and abuse hurled your way from the stands yet at the same time you’ll remain exceptionally sensitive to disrespect from players. Face it, it’s a chance for someone who’s not all that tall or athletic to make a bunch of jocks do what you say.
Game after game you’ll run up and down the court, and unlike the players, when you twist an ankle nobody cares--you’re lucky if one of the team trainers deigns to even look at your injuries. The cute girls who come to see the players will pay even less attention to you--so get used to being invisible except when you make a call against the home team and everyone screams for your blood.
You’ll eventually tire of making less per game than the cost of the gas to drive out to the high schools in the boonies, and you’ll head to college, where you’ll take a smattering of unchallenging arts and business courses while spending most of your time sucking up to those in charge of picking the referees for the varsity games.
Even in this lower-tier collegiate athletic program you have to pay your dues, so you do a few junior varsity games just before the season ends.
You’re frustrated after your first year, and all you’ve got to show for the tuition money you spent is a mediocre GPA and a couple of scoresheets with your name on them. You come back here where your stories of college life exaggerate your involvement in the athletics program until one of the benchwarmers on the JV team comes home as well and tells the real story of your insignificance.
You run out of the party where you’ve been revealed as a pathetic liar and head down to a sketchy bar that doesn’t ask for I.D. before it serves you watery beer out of dirty glasses. A few drinks and you’re crying at the bar--telling your sad tale to a bartender who isn’t interested. Just as the bouncer comes to escort you out, he’s stopped by a quiet, dark-eyed man who slips him a banknote and then invites you to join him at his table.
You stop sobbing and try to pull yourself together. Over the next hour this man stares quietly into your soul as he listens to you explain your dream, nodding as if he understands your passion and shares your anger at the injustice of your situation. Then he motions to you to be quiet and speaks:
“How badly do you want this?” he challenges you. You explain you’d sell your soul for a chance to make it to the big leagues, and he smiles--and something freezes deep inside you for just a moment.
“You will place your future in my hands, completely?” You agree, and he stands up, shakes your hand and tells you the large man standing nearby will drive you home.
The next day you receive a call instructing you to go to a summer inter-college varsity league meeting. Your plane ticket arrives by courier and before you have a chance to question your good fortune, you’re sitting with men all at least a decade older who will share the officiating duties of what is essentially a summer all-star development league. You’re given a nice room at a decent hotel and told you’re not to worry about actually reffing--you’re just a backup.
You watch for two days, marveling at the pace of the games compared to what you’d experienced at your few JV matchups. Still, you’re just watching, and begin to wonder why you’d bothered to come when on the third day you arrive to find the head of officiating waiting for you with a uniform and a whistle. Seems an unfortunate traffic accident had put one of the regular refs out of commission and you were needed.
You ref three games daily for the next two weeks, and at the end of the final playoff you’re approached by a PAC-10 college representative and told you’re getting a full-ride scholarship in their sports management program and will be part of their regular officiating rotation. You’ll travel to other colleges in the conference, all expenses paid, and earn a fee for each game as well.
You’re thrilled, and the next few months fly by. Then, late in the season, you’re getting into a cab to head to a game between UC Berkeley and Stanford and your benefactor from that life-changing encounter at the bar slips into the seat beside you. He hands the driver a 50, tells him to take the long route to the stadium, and slides the privacy window closed.
“Now it’s time to begin to pay the piper,” the man, whose name you don’t know, breathes softly. “Number 18 for Stanford is going to foul out in the first half tonight. If anyone complains they’re going to get a technical. Berkeley will be shooting in bonus by the six minute mark of the second half. Got it?”
You’re shocked at the arrogance of the man. “I can’t just make up fouls,” you protest.
“You will see fouls and you will call them.” Something in his eyes terrifies you and you just nod slowly. He taps the cab window again and gets out a few blocks from the stadium. You ride the rest of the way alone and are shaking as you walk onto the court. Something in the way the other referee looks at you makes you realize he knows what’s going on--maybe he’s in on it too, you decide.
It’s all Stanford for the first 10 minutes, and you have trouble finding any fouls to call on #18, but you make a questionable charging call and another for an illegal pick. You happen to glance into the stands during a television commercial timeout and see your cab companion sitting just behind the Stanford bench. His eyes bore into yours and he looks pissed.
The rest of the first half is fairly even, and you simply can’t find any justifiable reason to blow the whistle on your target. Still, you can’t help but glance over behind the Stanford bench a few times, and with two minutes left and only three fouls on #18, you see the man make a subtle gun motion with his fingers pointed towards you.
Right after the whistle you make a completely indefensible call on the big Stanford forward and the Palo Alto crowd goes nuts--some throw things at you. The player himself begins swearing at you and you hit him with two quick technical fouls--getting him out of the game.
You’re scared--it seems like the stadium might erupt in a riot, and during the ensuing timeout your refereeing partner walks over to you and mutters “nice and subtle, my friend”. His sarcasm makes it clear to you he knows what’s going on, and then a moment later he whispers “They don’t have to win; they just have to cover the point spread--Stanford can’t win by more than six--got it?”
Suddenly it’s all clear to you. Both you and the other referee are in the pocket of the same guy--and he clearly represents gambling interests who have made your mercurial rise possible.
That night you nearly don’t make it out of the stadium without being attacked, but fortunately the fact Stanford squeaked out a three-point victory takes some of the energy out of the home crowd’s vindictiveness. You go to your hotel room and consider chucking everything and going home, but then there’s a knock on your door, and the large man who drove you home that night at the bar simply smiles at you and hands you an envelope.
Inside are 20 one hundred dollar bills, and a note with two words printed neatly: “Well Done.”
You feel something die inside you when you spend some of the money the next day at the J Crew outlet and are glad when you don’t get rotated into the playoffs--your shocking performance in the Stanford game keeps you out of the tournament of 64.
The next year, though, all seems to be forgotten and you’re just as busy--even getting loaned out to other conferences for some tournaments. This time you make it through the regular season without being given any special instructions, and you’re picked to do playoff games all the way to the sweet 16.
You’re once again getting into a cab--this time to go to a matchup between fifth ranked UCLA and the 12th seed, Ohio, when you again are joined by an unwelcome traveling companion. This time he gives you more detailed instructions, which will also allow you to be a little more subtle in their execution. You also are not surprised to find the referee you’re paired with--from Ohio’s Mid-American conference--also has received instructions similar to your own. You guess that your gambling friends wait until they find that two of their dirty refs are officiating the same game before they bet most heavily, sure of their ability to influence the outcome of the game.
Your partner is almost artistic in his ability to manage the game to the foreordained conclusion, and he invites you to join him for a late supper after the game, where you are finally able to confide your shame to someone who truly understands. Unlike you, he was already working NCAA ball before being corrupted, but his brother’s legal troubles stemming from a large cocaine bust convinced him to listen to the gamblers who’d make sure his brother got the best legal help money could buy. Once that first step was taken, he could never go back.
While you’re at the restaurant, you get a visit from a different thug who quietly gives you each an envelope containing eight thousand dollars. You and your newfound friend loosen up and order some really good champagne--two bottles, in fact--and get a little tipsy.
You’re walking back to your hotel when a car pulls up and a young woman gets out. She waves the car away and hurries over to you. “Mind if I walk along?” she asks.
She’s way out of your league, you think, but you’re feeling confident with several thousand dollars in your pocket and some good champagne clouding your judgment. It’s only when she’s safely inside your hotel room she reveals herself to be a reporter and pulls out a few grainy photos of you in the cab with your gambler contact, and another receiving the payoff at the restaurant.
“I know what’s going on,” she tells you. “I won’t go to the cops if you give me your story--I’ll protect you as a confidential source.” You’re suddenly terrified, but something about the way her hand rests familiarly on your arm convinces you to go along--you don't often get attention from girls as pretty as her and besides, you don’t feel you have much choice.
Just as quickly as you acquiesced to the gambler’s instructions you go along with the reporter’s demands to tell her everything. She spends the next several hours grilling you, recording everything. At the end she falls asleep on the couch while you lie in your hotel bed, staring at the ceiling, unable to doze off.
The next morning she is gone but before you get on the train to head home for the summer, she shows up at the station and gives you a copy of her story to read. She wants you to check it for accuracy. Your eyes blur with hot tears and you can barely make out the words which describe in unforgiving detail your corruption. You know there will be little doubt on the gamblers' part as to who gave her the story, and you beg her not to print it. She gives you a wry smile and shakes her head. She turns and walks away quickly, leaving a copy of the story in your hand.
You panic and realize you can’t go home, so you go to the ticket booth and buy passage to Milwaukee, where you have an aunt.
What? Oh, I pulled that up on your file as an emergency contact. Don’t interrupt when I’m on a roll, okay?
So you go to your aunt’s and wait for the story to break. After a week you hear nothing, and then another week passes. You wonder if you dare hope that the reporter had a change of heart. Then one Wednesday morning, when you’re alone in the house, a boy comes to the door and hands you an envelope he says he was told to deliver by some guy who gave him 50 bucks. In it is a key and directions to a storage locker in the bus depot.
You are terrified--how could they find you, you wonder--but you force yourself to go check it nonetheless. You stifle a scream and rush to vomit in the washroom when you see the contents of the locker--it’s the head of the reporter.
You stumble out of the bus depot, desperately frightened, and look over your shoulder to see the large henchman of your gambler friend; he and another man are rushing towards you. Your fear keeps you from looking the opposite direction before you step out into the street, and a Greyhound to Topeka will deliver its passengers late that day because the driver will have to give a statement about the crazy guy who ran in front of his bus.
Sorry--I guess you never will quite make the NBA, at least that’s my guess if I were a betting man.
Hi kid. NBA? Nobody’s ever made it from here and I’ve seen some... What? Oh, a referee. Well, that’s not an easy gig to break into either, but if you’re lucky, it might go something like this:
You’ll take weekend workshops so you can do more than call the freshman girls games and by next fall you’ll be that graduate who didn’t go to college but took a job in the video store so he could be available to referee as many high school games as possible.
You’ll get used to working that two man tandem, and you’ll develop the ability to tune out all the catcalls and abuse hurled your way from the stands yet at the same time you’ll remain exceptionally sensitive to disrespect from players. Face it, it’s a chance for someone who’s not all that tall or athletic to make a bunch of jocks do what you say.
Game after game you’ll run up and down the court, and unlike the players, when you twist an ankle nobody cares--you’re lucky if one of the team trainers deigns to even look at your injuries. The cute girls who come to see the players will pay even less attention to you--so get used to being invisible except when you make a call against the home team and everyone screams for your blood.
You’ll eventually tire of making less per game than the cost of the gas to drive out to the high schools in the boonies, and you’ll head to college, where you’ll take a smattering of unchallenging arts and business courses while spending most of your time sucking up to those in charge of picking the referees for the varsity games.
Even in this lower-tier collegiate athletic program you have to pay your dues, so you do a few junior varsity games just before the season ends.
You’re frustrated after your first year, and all you’ve got to show for the tuition money you spent is a mediocre GPA and a couple of scoresheets with your name on them. You come back here where your stories of college life exaggerate your involvement in the athletics program until one of the benchwarmers on the JV team comes home as well and tells the real story of your insignificance.
You run out of the party where you’ve been revealed as a pathetic liar and head down to a sketchy bar that doesn’t ask for I.D. before it serves you watery beer out of dirty glasses. A few drinks and you’re crying at the bar--telling your sad tale to a bartender who isn’t interested. Just as the bouncer comes to escort you out, he’s stopped by a quiet, dark-eyed man who slips him a banknote and then invites you to join him at his table.
You stop sobbing and try to pull yourself together. Over the next hour this man stares quietly into your soul as he listens to you explain your dream, nodding as if he understands your passion and shares your anger at the injustice of your situation. Then he motions to you to be quiet and speaks:
“How badly do you want this?” he challenges you. You explain you’d sell your soul for a chance to make it to the big leagues, and he smiles--and something freezes deep inside you for just a moment.
“You will place your future in my hands, completely?” You agree, and he stands up, shakes your hand and tells you the large man standing nearby will drive you home.
The next day you receive a call instructing you to go to a summer inter-college varsity league meeting. Your plane ticket arrives by courier and before you have a chance to question your good fortune, you’re sitting with men all at least a decade older who will share the officiating duties of what is essentially a summer all-star development league. You’re given a nice room at a decent hotel and told you’re not to worry about actually reffing--you’re just a backup.
You watch for two days, marveling at the pace of the games compared to what you’d experienced at your few JV matchups. Still, you’re just watching, and begin to wonder why you’d bothered to come when on the third day you arrive to find the head of officiating waiting for you with a uniform and a whistle. Seems an unfortunate traffic accident had put one of the regular refs out of commission and you were needed.
You ref three games daily for the next two weeks, and at the end of the final playoff you’re approached by a PAC-10 college representative and told you’re getting a full-ride scholarship in their sports management program and will be part of their regular officiating rotation. You’ll travel to other colleges in the conference, all expenses paid, and earn a fee for each game as well.
You’re thrilled, and the next few months fly by. Then, late in the season, you’re getting into a cab to head to a game between UC Berkeley and Stanford and your benefactor from that life-changing encounter at the bar slips into the seat beside you. He hands the driver a 50, tells him to take the long route to the stadium, and slides the privacy window closed.
“Now it’s time to begin to pay the piper,” the man, whose name you don’t know, breathes softly. “Number 18 for Stanford is going to foul out in the first half tonight. If anyone complains they’re going to get a technical. Berkeley will be shooting in bonus by the six minute mark of the second half. Got it?”
You’re shocked at the arrogance of the man. “I can’t just make up fouls,” you protest.
“You will see fouls and you will call them.” Something in his eyes terrifies you and you just nod slowly. He taps the cab window again and gets out a few blocks from the stadium. You ride the rest of the way alone and are shaking as you walk onto the court. Something in the way the other referee looks at you makes you realize he knows what’s going on--maybe he’s in on it too, you decide.
It’s all Stanford for the first 10 minutes, and you have trouble finding any fouls to call on #18, but you make a questionable charging call and another for an illegal pick. You happen to glance into the stands during a television commercial timeout and see your cab companion sitting just behind the Stanford bench. His eyes bore into yours and he looks pissed.
The rest of the first half is fairly even, and you simply can’t find any justifiable reason to blow the whistle on your target. Still, you can’t help but glance over behind the Stanford bench a few times, and with two minutes left and only three fouls on #18, you see the man make a subtle gun motion with his fingers pointed towards you.
Right after the whistle you make a completely indefensible call on the big Stanford forward and the Palo Alto crowd goes nuts--some throw things at you. The player himself begins swearing at you and you hit him with two quick technical fouls--getting him out of the game.
You’re scared--it seems like the stadium might erupt in a riot, and during the ensuing timeout your refereeing partner walks over to you and mutters “nice and subtle, my friend”. His sarcasm makes it clear to you he knows what’s going on, and then a moment later he whispers “They don’t have to win; they just have to cover the point spread--Stanford can’t win by more than six--got it?”
Suddenly it’s all clear to you. Both you and the other referee are in the pocket of the same guy--and he clearly represents gambling interests who have made your mercurial rise possible.
That night you nearly don’t make it out of the stadium without being attacked, but fortunately the fact Stanford squeaked out a three-point victory takes some of the energy out of the home crowd’s vindictiveness. You go to your hotel room and consider chucking everything and going home, but then there’s a knock on your door, and the large man who drove you home that night at the bar simply smiles at you and hands you an envelope.
Inside are 20 one hundred dollar bills, and a note with two words printed neatly: “Well Done.”
You feel something die inside you when you spend some of the money the next day at the J Crew outlet and are glad when you don’t get rotated into the playoffs--your shocking performance in the Stanford game keeps you out of the tournament of 64.
The next year, though, all seems to be forgotten and you’re just as busy--even getting loaned out to other conferences for some tournaments. This time you make it through the regular season without being given any special instructions, and you’re picked to do playoff games all the way to the sweet 16.
You’re once again getting into a cab--this time to go to a matchup between fifth ranked UCLA and the 12th seed, Ohio, when you again are joined by an unwelcome traveling companion. This time he gives you more detailed instructions, which will also allow you to be a little more subtle in their execution. You also are not surprised to find the referee you’re paired with--from Ohio’s Mid-American conference--also has received instructions similar to your own. You guess that your gambling friends wait until they find that two of their dirty refs are officiating the same game before they bet most heavily, sure of their ability to influence the outcome of the game.
Your partner is almost artistic in his ability to manage the game to the foreordained conclusion, and he invites you to join him for a late supper after the game, where you are finally able to confide your shame to someone who truly understands. Unlike you, he was already working NCAA ball before being corrupted, but his brother’s legal troubles stemming from a large cocaine bust convinced him to listen to the gamblers who’d make sure his brother got the best legal help money could buy. Once that first step was taken, he could never go back.
While you’re at the restaurant, you get a visit from a different thug who quietly gives you each an envelope containing eight thousand dollars. You and your newfound friend loosen up and order some really good champagne--two bottles, in fact--and get a little tipsy.
You’re walking back to your hotel when a car pulls up and a young woman gets out. She waves the car away and hurries over to you. “Mind if I walk along?” she asks.
She’s way out of your league, you think, but you’re feeling confident with several thousand dollars in your pocket and some good champagne clouding your judgment. It’s only when she’s safely inside your hotel room she reveals herself to be a reporter and pulls out a few grainy photos of you in the cab with your gambler contact, and another receiving the payoff at the restaurant.
“I know what’s going on,” she tells you. “I won’t go to the cops if you give me your story--I’ll protect you as a confidential source.” You’re suddenly terrified, but something about the way her hand rests familiarly on your arm convinces you to go along--you don't often get attention from girls as pretty as her and besides, you don’t feel you have much choice.
Just as quickly as you acquiesced to the gambler’s instructions you go along with the reporter’s demands to tell her everything. She spends the next several hours grilling you, recording everything. At the end she falls asleep on the couch while you lie in your hotel bed, staring at the ceiling, unable to doze off.
The next morning she is gone but before you get on the train to head home for the summer, she shows up at the station and gives you a copy of her story to read. She wants you to check it for accuracy. Your eyes blur with hot tears and you can barely make out the words which describe in unforgiving detail your corruption. You know there will be little doubt on the gamblers' part as to who gave her the story, and you beg her not to print it. She gives you a wry smile and shakes her head. She turns and walks away quickly, leaving a copy of the story in your hand.
You panic and realize you can’t go home, so you go to the ticket booth and buy passage to Milwaukee, where you have an aunt.
What? Oh, I pulled that up on your file as an emergency contact. Don’t interrupt when I’m on a roll, okay?
So you go to your aunt’s and wait for the story to break. After a week you hear nothing, and then another week passes. You wonder if you dare hope that the reporter had a change of heart. Then one Wednesday morning, when you’re alone in the house, a boy comes to the door and hands you an envelope he says he was told to deliver by some guy who gave him 50 bucks. In it is a key and directions to a storage locker in the bus depot.
You are terrified--how could they find you, you wonder--but you force yourself to go check it nonetheless. You stifle a scream and rush to vomit in the washroom when you see the contents of the locker--it’s the head of the reporter.
You stumble out of the bus depot, desperately frightened, and look over your shoulder to see the large henchman of your gambler friend; he and another man are rushing towards you. Your fear keeps you from looking the opposite direction before you step out into the street, and a Greyhound to Topeka will deliver its passengers late that day because the driver will have to give a statement about the crazy guy who ran in front of his bus.
Sorry--I guess you never will quite make the NBA, at least that’s my guess if I were a betting man.
Monday, June 09, 2008
When next you're in New York
...you have to go to the Strand bookstore in Greenwich Village. It's truly wonderful:
I'm definitely going to plan to allow myself about five hours there next time. Of course, then I'll need to ship a box of books home since I won't be able to get them all on the plane.
They've been there since 1927. Here's a link to their website.
Sorry for the lack of any sort of decent posts. I'll have more time soon, I hope, and that should change things. Hopefully some rest and a little spare time will get me more interested in writing something a bit more creative as well.
I'm definitely going to plan to allow myself about five hours there next time. Of course, then I'll need to ship a box of books home since I won't be able to get them all on the plane.
They've been there since 1927. Here's a link to their website.
Sorry for the lack of any sort of decent posts. I'll have more time soon, I hope, and that should change things. Hopefully some rest and a little spare time will get me more interested in writing something a bit more creative as well.
Monday, June 02, 2008
A lone tumbleweed drifts past...
Nobody's blogging anymore. Well, pretty much nobody. Here are some most recent posts:
Milly: May 27, but that was only a haiku
Camila: Recent, but the last one, perhaps
Katie H: May 16
Ella: April 11
Berkeley: May 25, but that was the first after a two-month hiatus
RS: March 16 (her birthday)
AD: May 28
RH: May 12
"Genevieve": May 4
Plus both Nylon and Patrick (Blue Moon Dementia) deleted their blogs.
However, on the bright side, I just rediscovered "Overheard in New York" so I've got something else to procrastinate with.
Also, kudos to neuroticmom who is still posting more than some of you. I just like to kill time by blogwandering, and you're all letting me down.
:P
Milly: May 27, but that was only a haiku
Camila: Recent, but the last one, perhaps
Katie H: May 16
Ella: April 11
Berkeley: May 25, but that was the first after a two-month hiatus
RS: March 16 (her birthday)
AD: May 28
RH: May 12
"Genevieve": May 4
Plus both Nylon and Patrick (Blue Moon Dementia) deleted their blogs.
However, on the bright side, I just rediscovered "Overheard in New York" so I've got something else to procrastinate with.
Also, kudos to neuroticmom who is still posting more than some of you. I just like to kill time by blogwandering, and you're all letting me down.
:P
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Celeb-ration
Wow--the bad puns seem to be pretty much automatic these days. It actually works pretty well as a title for this post, though.
As we drove into Manhattan from the Airport last Saturday, a couple of the kids started talking about how they hoped to see some celebrities. Right. A city of 8 million+ and we're going to bump into famous people.
I mean, sure if you pay to see them in a show you'll be within a certain distance of the genuine article, but otherwise, I told them, don't expect it.
The next day we went to Lincoln Centre. At the end of the tour, we finished where folks were milling about during the intermission of a performance by the National Chorale. Christopher Lloyd walked right by me--only I and another student recognized him. I remember him best from Taxi, while students know him as "Doc" from Back to the Future.
On Tuesday night we went to Hairspray. "Norm" from Cheers--George Wendt--plays the mother. Once again, the performance was great. Sure, if you're talking celeb spotting, you probably can't count a show you paid to see, but we had good tickets and it was a great show, so whatever.
Wednesday afternoon we were in the NBC Nightly News studio during a tour and in the studio next to us--glass between us, except for a door-sized opening--was Kevin Spacey, there for an interview. That impressed the kids more than Christopher Lloyd.
So maybe celeb spotting isn't all that difficult.
When our flight to Toronto got cancelled going home--this was in Laguardia--I went to the desk to find out what we were supposed to do next. I had noticed sitting across the way a woman who looked strangely familiar--I was sure I'd seen her in something.
She ended up behind me and came over to the counter with me, asking if it was okay with me if she eavesdropped--she wrongly thought her flight had been cancelled. After, I asked her if she was a performer, because I was sure I'd seen her in something. She looked a bit sheepish and said she hadn't performed in the past three years, but yes, she'd done a bunch of theatre in New York, as well as some commercials and was on a soap opera for a while.
Later, I chatted briefly with her again, still trying to figure out what I'd seen her in. She hadn't been out to the west coast or in any of the musicals I'd seen, nor had she worked with the production company whose director had come to my class and shown us stuff from her lesser-known Canadian films.
She told me her name, and I think I got it right when I 'Imdb'd" it, but not much other than one movie credit showed up.
I'll figure it out eventually.
As we drove into Manhattan from the Airport last Saturday, a couple of the kids started talking about how they hoped to see some celebrities. Right. A city of 8 million+ and we're going to bump into famous people.
I mean, sure if you pay to see them in a show you'll be within a certain distance of the genuine article, but otherwise, I told them, don't expect it.
The next day we went to Lincoln Centre. At the end of the tour, we finished where folks were milling about during the intermission of a performance by the National Chorale. Christopher Lloyd walked right by me--only I and another student recognized him. I remember him best from Taxi, while students know him as "Doc" from Back to the Future.
On Tuesday night we went to Hairspray. "Norm" from Cheers--George Wendt--plays the mother. Once again, the performance was great. Sure, if you're talking celeb spotting, you probably can't count a show you paid to see, but we had good tickets and it was a great show, so whatever.
Wednesday afternoon we were in the NBC Nightly News studio during a tour and in the studio next to us--glass between us, except for a door-sized opening--was Kevin Spacey, there for an interview. That impressed the kids more than Christopher Lloyd.
So maybe celeb spotting isn't all that difficult.
When our flight to Toronto got cancelled going home--this was in Laguardia--I went to the desk to find out what we were supposed to do next. I had noticed sitting across the way a woman who looked strangely familiar--I was sure I'd seen her in something.
She ended up behind me and came over to the counter with me, asking if it was okay with me if she eavesdropped--she wrongly thought her flight had been cancelled. After, I asked her if she was a performer, because I was sure I'd seen her in something. She looked a bit sheepish and said she hadn't performed in the past three years, but yes, she'd done a bunch of theatre in New York, as well as some commercials and was on a soap opera for a while.
Later, I chatted briefly with her again, still trying to figure out what I'd seen her in. She hadn't been out to the west coast or in any of the musicals I'd seen, nor had she worked with the production company whose director had come to my class and shown us stuff from her lesser-known Canadian films.
She told me her name, and I think I got it right when I 'Imdb'd" it, but not much other than one movie credit showed up.
I'll figure it out eventually.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Another foot
Back in February I posted a link to a story about the third right foot that had washed ashore on the BC coast:
http://herrdirektor.blogspot.com/2008/02/this-is-creepyweird.html
Seems a fourth one just showed up. All right feet, all in shoes. Read about it here.
If this had come from an episode of CSI I'd have mocked it for being too farfetched. Really creepy.
http://herrdirektor.blogspot.com/2008/02/this-is-creepyweird.html
Seems a fourth one just showed up. All right feet, all in shoes. Read about it here.
If this had come from an episode of CSI I'd have mocked it for being too farfetched. Really creepy.
Monday, May 19, 2008
the play's the thing
This post is from New York, where I'm sort of adapted now to the time change.
Tonight we saw Rent; it was my second time seeing it after having gone to it when we were here about two and a half years ago. Once again it didn't disappoint.
I'm writing more about Spring Awakening, though, which we saw last night. Some have suggested it will take Rent's place as the new edgy rock musical about the disenfranchised. I'm not so sure.
It's an odd experience to see the Broadway musical version of a play only two days after I attended the non-musical version back in Victoria. I think it was kind of helpful in understanding the plot and characters a little more quickly. I had studied the play back when I was an undergraduate, but that was centuries ago...
We got the tickets from the TKTS 1/2 price booth--which is still in its temporary location at the Marriot. Some of our group went to Avenue Q, and quite enjoyed it. Another friend from the internet world once told me all about that one, but I have yet to see it.
Six of us, though, chose Spring Awakening. They were described as "obscured view" seats, but really, they were quite good--four and five rows back but on the side.
When things got going, though, we were very puzzled by the behaviour of the crowd. As soon as the actors ran out on stage, they got a very enthusiastic standing ovation. This made no sense, yet the whole audience was doing it. I felt like I was at a cult rally or something.
Then someone in front of us who was also confused asked a nearby "ovationer" about it and was told it was the lead actress (Lea Michele)'s last night in the show. Later we heard it was the lead actor (Jonathon Groff)'s last night as well. The story is here
It was a very emotional performance. One song, titled "You're Fxxxed" (x's inserted to protect the tender sensibilities of my readers) ends in a freeze with the performers all giving the audience the middle finger. The audience stood and gave another loud ovation at that point and kept on going. The actors, therefore, had to hold the freeze. The lead girl began sobbing during this, and some others were laughing and crying. It was kind of a magical moment.
What was surprising was that we actually got tickets. I did a little internet research when we got home and even back in February some were saying that night was getting close to sold out. It was probably the "obscured" label on those seats that made them available.
The whole show felt more like a love-in with family and friends (and a lot in the audience were family and friends) and I did the verboten (yes, an homage to the German origin of the show)
I pulled out my camera and caught a bit of the afterwards. It's jumpy 'cause I didn't want to watch it through the viewfinder, just held it about where I thought it should be. Not great footage, but you get a bit of the idea:
Prior to this, the edgiest show I'd taken kids to was probably Rent. This one challenged the limits even more--some nudity at the end of act I and the scene repeated at the beginning of act II, a gay makeout scene, a masturbation scene as part of a song, and of course the song mentioned above.
And to think I rejected the idea of Equus during the London trip last year. Of course, that was partly because I knew the play well enough to know most of my kids wouldn't have enjoyed it, despite the thrill of seeing Harry Potter in the altogether.
The show was good--but I don't think it's as good a show as Rent--well, maybe not as good at doing what Rent does. Part of what is amazing about Rent is that it really touches broadly on the human condition, while Spring Awakening deals with an issue, if the difference makes sense. Also, I get goosebumps hearing the harmonies of "Seasons of Love", and the harmonies throughout Rent are amazing. Spring Awakening just doesn't have that complexity in its vocals--lots of unison.
I have a more detailed critique to offer sometime, but must be off to bed--it's an early start down to the ferries to Liberty and Ellis Islands tomorrow, then the Met Museum in the afternoon.
*I recently posted that I'd be moving all "personal" posts to another more secure spot. That's still the plan, but I think some posts like this I'll put here for a little while then move them there before search engines and random folks get to this one.
Tonight we saw Rent; it was my second time seeing it after having gone to it when we were here about two and a half years ago. Once again it didn't disappoint.
I'm writing more about Spring Awakening, though, which we saw last night. Some have suggested it will take Rent's place as the new edgy rock musical about the disenfranchised. I'm not so sure.
It's an odd experience to see the Broadway musical version of a play only two days after I attended the non-musical version back in Victoria. I think it was kind of helpful in understanding the plot and characters a little more quickly. I had studied the play back when I was an undergraduate, but that was centuries ago...
We got the tickets from the TKTS 1/2 price booth--which is still in its temporary location at the Marriot. Some of our group went to Avenue Q, and quite enjoyed it. Another friend from the internet world once told me all about that one, but I have yet to see it.
Six of us, though, chose Spring Awakening. They were described as "obscured view" seats, but really, they were quite good--four and five rows back but on the side.
When things got going, though, we were very puzzled by the behaviour of the crowd. As soon as the actors ran out on stage, they got a very enthusiastic standing ovation. This made no sense, yet the whole audience was doing it. I felt like I was at a cult rally or something.
Then someone in front of us who was also confused asked a nearby "ovationer" about it and was told it was the lead actress (Lea Michele)'s last night in the show. Later we heard it was the lead actor (Jonathon Groff)'s last night as well. The story is here
It was a very emotional performance. One song, titled "You're Fxxxed" (x's inserted to protect the tender sensibilities of my readers) ends in a freeze with the performers all giving the audience the middle finger. The audience stood and gave another loud ovation at that point and kept on going. The actors, therefore, had to hold the freeze. The lead girl began sobbing during this, and some others were laughing and crying. It was kind of a magical moment.
What was surprising was that we actually got tickets. I did a little internet research when we got home and even back in February some were saying that night was getting close to sold out. It was probably the "obscured" label on those seats that made them available.
The whole show felt more like a love-in with family and friends (and a lot in the audience were family and friends) and I did the verboten (yes, an homage to the German origin of the show)
I pulled out my camera and caught a bit of the afterwards. It's jumpy 'cause I didn't want to watch it through the viewfinder, just held it about where I thought it should be. Not great footage, but you get a bit of the idea:
Prior to this, the edgiest show I'd taken kids to was probably Rent. This one challenged the limits even more--some nudity at the end of act I and the scene repeated at the beginning of act II, a gay makeout scene, a masturbation scene as part of a song, and of course the song mentioned above.
And to think I rejected the idea of Equus during the London trip last year. Of course, that was partly because I knew the play well enough to know most of my kids wouldn't have enjoyed it, despite the thrill of seeing Harry Potter in the altogether.
The show was good--but I don't think it's as good a show as Rent--well, maybe not as good at doing what Rent does. Part of what is amazing about Rent is that it really touches broadly on the human condition, while Spring Awakening deals with an issue, if the difference makes sense. Also, I get goosebumps hearing the harmonies of "Seasons of Love", and the harmonies throughout Rent are amazing. Spring Awakening just doesn't have that complexity in its vocals--lots of unison.
I have a more detailed critique to offer sometime, but must be off to bed--it's an early start down to the ferries to Liberty and Ellis Islands tomorrow, then the Met Museum in the afternoon.
*I recently posted that I'd be moving all "personal" posts to another more secure spot. That's still the plan, but I think some posts like this I'll put here for a little while then move them there before search engines and random folks get to this one.
Friday, May 16, 2008
busy times
Last night's variety show--completely organized by a student who's going off to work at an orphanage in Guatemala after graduation and wanted to raise money not for her trip but to bring to the orphanage--was a great success. Admittedly, the crowd was small as it began, but more came and donations totalled $400.
What was nice was that I got to just sit and watch--didn't have to tech, organize, film or anything. Congrats to the one participant I know who reads this sometimes.
Today it's off to see Spring Awakening which is a little more serious project. I remember studying the play at university years ago, and it's being performed by a very good local theatre company which features high school students. They take on things that often wouldn't be typically done in a high school.
Funny to see Milly tech-ing that one.
Then, crazy early tomorrow, it's off to NY for most of a week. I'll try to post from there at some point if I have internet. What sucks is it's supposed to be 27 here tomorrow (81) and so we're getting our first nice warm weather of the year, and the forecast in New York is for rain.
Meh, it's still New York. It will still be warmer than when I was there in March.
What was nice was that I got to just sit and watch--didn't have to tech, organize, film or anything. Congrats to the one participant I know who reads this sometimes.
Today it's off to see Spring Awakening which is a little more serious project. I remember studying the play at university years ago, and it's being performed by a very good local theatre company which features high school students. They take on things that often wouldn't be typically done in a high school.
Funny to see Milly tech-ing that one.
Then, crazy early tomorrow, it's off to NY for most of a week. I'll try to post from there at some point if I have internet. What sucks is it's supposed to be 27 here tomorrow (81) and so we're getting our first nice warm weather of the year, and the forecast in New York is for rain.
Meh, it's still New York. It will still be warmer than when I was there in March.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Downsizing
I've moved some of the "personal" posts to another place. I'm going to use this blog for writing I do for fun, but I think I won't put things about work, family or friends here.
Reading Camila's most recent post was the final push I needed to help make the decision.
If you're a regular reader here and want to be added to the other list, drop me a note. If I don't want to add you, it's nothing personal, it's more that I'm trying to keep some boundaries between different parts of my world for the moment.
I'll still be posting stuff here, though, if you want to bother to look.
Reading Camila's most recent post was the final push I needed to help make the decision.
If you're a regular reader here and want to be added to the other list, drop me a note. If I don't want to add you, it's nothing personal, it's more that I'm trying to keep some boundaries between different parts of my world for the moment.
I'll still be posting stuff here, though, if you want to bother to look.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
rethinking
I'm contemplating a reorganization of the blogs. Recently, discussing the whole world of personal online journaling with friends both local and elsewhere, I realized I am not entirely comfortable with lack of control of who reads what goes here, or the resultant self-censorship such uncertainty can cause.
Gone are the heady days when I'd get over 2000 "hits" in a month--mostly due to the promotion of a couple of the career posts on a popular site elsewhere. Now, according to the counter, I get around a dozen visits per day on this blog.
It's mostly the same folks, I suspect. Most I know, while a few returnees, such as the one from Egypt or the ones from England and Ireland, I don't know at all. (not that you're any less welcome)
A friend was telling me a bit more recently about the fallout of a relative stumbling across her blog and reading posts from back when this writer, now 20, was maybe 15 years old. Honest venting about family stuff was not intended for this or other relatives to read, and five years later, the feelings are no longer the same--but the words are still there.
I delete a lot of posts. Every so often I go through and wipe out the majority of those which have personal information--leaving only the "writing" ones I do for fun. I think I may just make this the blog where I do that--put the things I write for fun, or make occasional observations or comments on news stories, youtube videos, sports results and the like.
The "other" place I write would be where I put the personal stuff. Most of what you see right now below this post would fall into that category, with maybe the exception of the "quotes" post, and the Dythandra poem.
The audience of the other place is defined, and part of the deal is they know I write whatever I feel like there and if it's boring or annoying or stupid or offensive--it's my place to be self-indulgent. (Though all blogs should be that, to some extent, I suppose.)
Thus, if you don't feel comfortable with that, you won't be asking to be added to the readership. Also, it's easier to keep local (people who deal with me in real life) readership out of that blog, so if I were to go on a rant about something at work I wouldn't have to worry about some student or colleague having that inside perspective on how I really feel about something.
So, I guess what I'm saying is, if you see things change here, I haven't joined a cult, I've just become a little more circumspect. I may move some of the more recent posts below to the other site and delete them from here soon.
I could just write a journal, but as a young friend said recently, it's nice to know that someone could be reading what you write, even if nobody is.
Gone are the heady days when I'd get over 2000 "hits" in a month--mostly due to the promotion of a couple of the career posts on a popular site elsewhere. Now, according to the counter, I get around a dozen visits per day on this blog.
It's mostly the same folks, I suspect. Most I know, while a few returnees, such as the one from Egypt or the ones from England and Ireland, I don't know at all. (not that you're any less welcome)
A friend was telling me a bit more recently about the fallout of a relative stumbling across her blog and reading posts from back when this writer, now 20, was maybe 15 years old. Honest venting about family stuff was not intended for this or other relatives to read, and five years later, the feelings are no longer the same--but the words are still there.
I delete a lot of posts. Every so often I go through and wipe out the majority of those which have personal information--leaving only the "writing" ones I do for fun. I think I may just make this the blog where I do that--put the things I write for fun, or make occasional observations or comments on news stories, youtube videos, sports results and the like.
The "other" place I write would be where I put the personal stuff. Most of what you see right now below this post would fall into that category, with maybe the exception of the "quotes" post, and the Dythandra poem.
The audience of the other place is defined, and part of the deal is they know I write whatever I feel like there and if it's boring or annoying or stupid or offensive--it's my place to be self-indulgent. (Though all blogs should be that, to some extent, I suppose.)
Thus, if you don't feel comfortable with that, you won't be asking to be added to the readership. Also, it's easier to keep local (people who deal with me in real life) readership out of that blog, so if I were to go on a rant about something at work I wouldn't have to worry about some student or colleague having that inside perspective on how I really feel about something.
So, I guess what I'm saying is, if you see things change here, I haven't joined a cult, I've just become a little more circumspect. I may move some of the more recent posts below to the other site and delete them from here soon.
I could just write a journal, but as a young friend said recently, it's nice to know that someone could be reading what you write, even if nobody is.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Another installment...
...of random quotes I've heard recently in my little space at work (none of them spoken by me, I assure you):
"If I ever become a hooker, I’m not a person--egg me."
"I’ve lost so much respect for you for egging a hooker."
"If that hooker met you in an alley she’d stab you for the 15 cents in your pocket."
"We’re not soulmates any more--deep down inside you’re a hooker egger, and I’m not."
"Asian Mike is good at customer service and that is going to be your downfall"
"I’m going to go donate blood to starving African vampire children"
"I don’t have any grandpas--I deserve a death."
"They’re definitely not rapist glasses; they’re pedo glasses."
"C’mon, throw me a F--in bone, Miniputt."
"If I ever become a hooker, I’m not a person--egg me."
"I’ve lost so much respect for you for egging a hooker."
"If that hooker met you in an alley she’d stab you for the 15 cents in your pocket."
"We’re not soulmates any more--deep down inside you’re a hooker egger, and I’m not."
"Asian Mike is good at customer service and that is going to be your downfall"
"I’m going to go donate blood to starving African vampire children"
"I don’t have any grandpas--I deserve a death."
"They’re definitely not rapist glasses; they’re pedo glasses."
"C’mon, throw me a F--in bone, Miniputt."
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Not really a post
...but rather just informing that I've updated "Dythandra's" poetry page--much overdue. It's gone from 24 to 38 (if I counted right) entries. You can find the first page here:
http://members.shaw.ca/jpurple01/dythandra.html
The layout of the index still needs a bit of work, but I've made it chronological--you see the newest at the top, rather than the reverse.
Going to see another school's Anything Goes tomorrow--they're doing a slightly different version so it should be interesting to watch after doing it ourselves.
http://members.shaw.ca/jpurple01/dythandra.html
The layout of the index still needs a bit of work, but I've made it chronological--you see the newest at the top, rather than the reverse.
Going to see another school's Anything Goes tomorrow--they're doing a slightly different version so it should be interesting to watch after doing it ourselves.
Monday, April 07, 2008
Poetry by Dythandra
Waterloo Averted - A Ballad
My ‘net radio was scant weeks old
When their lawyers found it
"Intellectual property"
They’re chomping at the bit.
To “Dythandra” came the letter
Thanks to my ISP
My mother shook her head and sighed
And passed it on to me
A record label I had wronged
“Dovebludgeon”, the band’s name
They pretend to be all gothic,
But play the corporate game.
Some other bands were also named
The label’s ages old
Their lawyers want to meet with me
If they could be so bold.
Well, it’s just one lawyer, really
Paul Blentwick, LLB
He’ll be here in town next Wednesday
And plans to visit me.
There is one good thing in all this,
I try to keep my cool
They made their case before I moved
The server to my school.
Had that not been the case I fear,
The school board lawyer types
Would play this in the media
And there’d be lots of hype
But this ‘twere best done quietly
And I begin my plan
No school this week, I must prepare
To thwart this lawyer man.
The law library is step one,
Some case law I must check
Information is one thing
That might help save my neck
Then my old albums I peruse,
And find the one I seek
The line “Kill hated siblings all”
Might influence the weak.
From one more of this label’s bands,
When I was only ten
Sold at a concert I’d snuck in
“ ’01 Gothagedden”
Their booth tried to look so hardcore
Albums on a table
Conformity was not for them,
And no Advisory labels.
With case law and cd in hand,
There’s one thing more I seek,
Of all my plans and strategy
This part is the most weak
I’m glad when underneath my bed,
The weathered case I find
The evidence of when they thought
I’d truly lost my mind.
My parents moved me from our home,
A town I thought I loved
Suburban, bland conformity
Was where my soul was shoved
Back then I was in middle school
Precocious they all said
I made a little fairy tale
A brother who was dead.
I photoshopped some photographs
Faked a few news stories
Wrote one for Wikipedia
So sad and oh, so gory.
And then on show and tell one day
My classmates got to hear
I took a knife to brother’s room
And stabbed him in the ear
I held a picture up right then
Some kids began to weep
I said the psych ward for two years,
Was where I got to sleep.
And then they said that I was cured
“We’re starting fresh right here”
I looked, and all around the room,
Kids’ eyes were filled with fear
That was the first of many times
My mom and dad were told
I was a budding psychopath
It really does get old.
And now I’m glad I’ve kept these things,
And also glad to see
That Wikipedia hasn’t cut
The lies made up by me.
In fact, a Google search reveals,
There’s something slightly more
Than seventy assorted links
To my fictitious lore
I add a few facts here and there
To add meat to the tale
Use different ID’s to proclaim
What pushed me past the pale.
‘Twas gothic music dark and bad
That made this child go wrong
She cut up her little brother
Advised by a sick song.
When Wednesday comes, I’m fully clothed,
In scary, leather gear
I smile and introduce him to
The voices that I hear.
I arranged to have this meeting,
A little after lunch
Dad’s still at work; mom drinks upstairs
Her favorite “homemade punch”.
I ask Paul Blentwick, LLB
If there is any way
To meet the band whose instructions
I followed on that day.
I show him the collection of
The things I have prepared,
His voice no longer arrogant,
Starts shaking; he is scared.
He asks if he can step outside,
I nod, his wish is granted
And on his laptop, in his car
Finds evidence I planted.
I see him talking on his phone
A frantic call or two
Then back inside my living room,
Says “Here’s what we can do”.
The settlement was fine with me
Took what they had to give
I’m free to use their music for
As long as I shall live.
That night I tell my listeners
About my little scare
But have no fear; it’s over now
Dythandra’s on the air.
My ‘net radio was scant weeks old
When their lawyers found it
"Intellectual property"
They’re chomping at the bit.
To “Dythandra” came the letter
Thanks to my ISP
My mother shook her head and sighed
And passed it on to me
A record label I had wronged
“Dovebludgeon”, the band’s name
They pretend to be all gothic,
But play the corporate game.
Some other bands were also named
The label’s ages old
Their lawyers want to meet with me
If they could be so bold.
Well, it’s just one lawyer, really
Paul Blentwick, LLB
He’ll be here in town next Wednesday
And plans to visit me.
There is one good thing in all this,
I try to keep my cool
They made their case before I moved
The server to my school.
Had that not been the case I fear,
The school board lawyer types
Would play this in the media
And there’d be lots of hype
But this ‘twere best done quietly
And I begin my plan
No school this week, I must prepare
To thwart this lawyer man.
The law library is step one,
Some case law I must check
Information is one thing
That might help save my neck
Then my old albums I peruse,
And find the one I seek
The line “Kill hated siblings all”
Might influence the weak.
From one more of this label’s bands,
When I was only ten
Sold at a concert I’d snuck in
“ ’01 Gothagedden”
Their booth tried to look so hardcore
Albums on a table
Conformity was not for them,
And no Advisory labels.
With case law and cd in hand,
There’s one thing more I seek,
Of all my plans and strategy
This part is the most weak
I’m glad when underneath my bed,
The weathered case I find
The evidence of when they thought
I’d truly lost my mind.
My parents moved me from our home,
A town I thought I loved
Suburban, bland conformity
Was where my soul was shoved
Back then I was in middle school
Precocious they all said
I made a little fairy tale
A brother who was dead.
I photoshopped some photographs
Faked a few news stories
Wrote one for Wikipedia
So sad and oh, so gory.
And then on show and tell one day
My classmates got to hear
I took a knife to brother’s room
And stabbed him in the ear
I held a picture up right then
Some kids began to weep
I said the psych ward for two years,
Was where I got to sleep.
And then they said that I was cured
“We’re starting fresh right here”
I looked, and all around the room,
Kids’ eyes were filled with fear
That was the first of many times
My mom and dad were told
I was a budding psychopath
It really does get old.
And now I’m glad I’ve kept these things,
And also glad to see
That Wikipedia hasn’t cut
The lies made up by me.
In fact, a Google search reveals,
There’s something slightly more
Than seventy assorted links
To my fictitious lore
I add a few facts here and there
To add meat to the tale
Use different ID’s to proclaim
What pushed me past the pale.
‘Twas gothic music dark and bad
That made this child go wrong
She cut up her little brother
Advised by a sick song.
When Wednesday comes, I’m fully clothed,
In scary, leather gear
I smile and introduce him to
The voices that I hear.
I arranged to have this meeting,
A little after lunch
Dad’s still at work; mom drinks upstairs
Her favorite “homemade punch”.
I ask Paul Blentwick, LLB
If there is any way
To meet the band whose instructions
I followed on that day.
I show him the collection of
The things I have prepared,
His voice no longer arrogant,
Starts shaking; he is scared.
He asks if he can step outside,
I nod, his wish is granted
And on his laptop, in his car
Finds evidence I planted.
I see him talking on his phone
A frantic call or two
Then back inside my living room,
Says “Here’s what we can do”.
The settlement was fine with me
Took what they had to give
I’m free to use their music for
As long as I shall live.
That night I tell my listeners
About my little scare
But have no fear; it’s over now
Dythandra’s on the air.
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Poetry by Dythandra
Positions Wanted
Internet radio means late nights
And I, already so slow to rise,
Now wearied further
By late night verbal ministrations to my loyal audience.
Public school's near an end
For one such as myself
Yet here are hoops to jump through
And my apathy
Makes such gymnastics difficult.
The counselor looks up warily,
As I saunter in, sit indifferently, pop my gum
And meet her tense smile
With narrowed eyes.
So, (here she speaks my hated name)
It seems we have a problem with your... credits.
You're not in a position to graduate.
I glance at the computer screen she swivels my way.
Of course, if you pass your math class...
She and I both know that math,
Bane of my school life,
And oh so early in the morning
Is an insurmountable obstacle.
So, (she seems a little hesitant)
We need to see what we can do
To put you in a position to graduate.
She keeps repeating that phrase.
I murmur something about positions, too
Alluding to something more... tantric.
The color in her cheeks
Tells me she heard, but chooses to pretend.
She decides my last best hope
Is to saddle some poor teacher
With a less than enthusiastic assistant
It will provide the credit hours
That will free me from this place.
She runs down the options quickly,
Shakes her head at some,
Giggles at another--
I sigh and slump back in my chair.
Then a pause.
What do you know about computers?
Seems the nearly-retired computer teacher
So behind the technological times
Has lost his most able helper.
'Twas actually a North Korean,
And the passport was off a bit
In age as well.
The Homeland Security folks
Took our young foreign student away
When he tried to access missile command
From the school's computer network.
I grab the proffered life preserver
And head down to the tech lab
To get the papers signed.
Serendipity, it seems
When I arrive home that day
To discover our internet provider
Has warned we've reached our bandwith limit
My radio success has overwhelmed our allotment.
Now the school server
Will broadcast my wisdom
To my faithful fans
If only I trusted them enough
To share this delicious irony.
I could have coasted thus, content
To the end and then, escape.
But only three weeks later,
I'm called to account.
Seems one of my most loved record labels
Has tracked me down
And copyright lawyers are coming to visit.
My best battle is yet to come.
Internet radio means late nights
And I, already so slow to rise,
Now wearied further
By late night verbal ministrations to my loyal audience.
Public school's near an end
For one such as myself
Yet here are hoops to jump through
And my apathy
Makes such gymnastics difficult.
The counselor looks up warily,
As I saunter in, sit indifferently, pop my gum
And meet her tense smile
With narrowed eyes.
So, (here she speaks my hated name)
It seems we have a problem with your... credits.
You're not in a position to graduate.
I glance at the computer screen she swivels my way.
Of course, if you pass your math class...
She and I both know that math,
Bane of my school life,
And oh so early in the morning
Is an insurmountable obstacle.
So, (she seems a little hesitant)
We need to see what we can do
To put you in a position to graduate.
She keeps repeating that phrase.
I murmur something about positions, too
Alluding to something more... tantric.
The color in her cheeks
Tells me she heard, but chooses to pretend.
She decides my last best hope
Is to saddle some poor teacher
With a less than enthusiastic assistant
It will provide the credit hours
That will free me from this place.
She runs down the options quickly,
Shakes her head at some,
Giggles at another--
I sigh and slump back in my chair.
Then a pause.
What do you know about computers?
Seems the nearly-retired computer teacher
So behind the technological times
Has lost his most able helper.
'Twas actually a North Korean,
And the passport was off a bit
In age as well.
The Homeland Security folks
Took our young foreign student away
When he tried to access missile command
From the school's computer network.
I grab the proffered life preserver
And head down to the tech lab
To get the papers signed.
Serendipity, it seems
When I arrive home that day
To discover our internet provider
Has warned we've reached our bandwith limit
My radio success has overwhelmed our allotment.
Now the school server
Will broadcast my wisdom
To my faithful fans
If only I trusted them enough
To share this delicious irony.
I could have coasted thus, content
To the end and then, escape.
But only three weeks later,
I'm called to account.
Seems one of my most loved record labels
Has tracked me down
And copyright lawyers are coming to visit.
My best battle is yet to come.
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