The Kid Who Sits Behind You Explains

The Great Gatsby

So there's this dude, Nick, and he's all "I live in a crappy house between the rich people" and there's these two eggs, and he lives on the one that's kind of a dump--so that's where the whole "bad egg" thing probably came from, and he's got this ditzy cousin named Daisy and she's all "I'm bored", and he likes this chick named Jordan, and she's all "I'm bored" and all they ever do is party and buy stuff. (Kinda like Paris Hilton, I think.) Nick sees Jordan and parties with her at his rich neighbor--the "Great" Gatsby (but the "great" part is kind of all sarcastic, like my teacher when she reads my essays sometimes) and he goes to visit his cousin in her fancy house on the good egg.

Anyway, his cousin's husband, Tom is all "Shut up" to his girlfriend on the side and he breaks her nose, and later she gets run over and so things pretty much sucked for her, and then she died. But Gatsby was all "I love Daisy" and Daisy was all "Whatever" and then they partied some more and then Myrtle's husband (the broken nose roadkill chick) shot Gatsby at the end and then killed himself, and no one came to the funeral, and Nick was all "You people all suck" and went back to the midwest, but little did he know that the depression was coming and being on a farm would soon be a bad career move.

But there were lots of cool cars.