Hamlet
So Hamlet was this Danish prince--unlike the prince of danishes, which is this bakery I once saw, and he's off studying in some place in Germany and his uncle offs his dad, also named Hamlet, so you have to call him Old Hamlet--kinda like Archie and Little Archie except they're not the same guy--and so Hamlet gets home and his mom's all like "your dad died so I married your uncle" and he's all "mom you whore" and then he starts gettin' it on with Ophelia. Ophelia is this chick whose dad is a stupid know-it-all like my friend Brad's dad except Brad's dad got hit in the head with a two by four at work, so Hamlet starts messin' with everybody's mind and he's pretending to be nuts but maybe he really is. Then his old buddies Rosenstall and Guildenhutz try to get him offed in England but he fools them and then Ophelia is all "have some flowers and herbs" cause she was probly knocked up and then she drowns herself and then Hamlet fights her brother after he killed her dad and then the queen dies and so does the king and so does Hamlet. Then the Norweyans come--they're kinda like Norwegians--and take over cause on account of these Danish people are all f'ed up in the head.
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