Julius Caesar
So there's this general named Caesar and he's all "I conquered the Gauls--go me" and the senators get all panicky, especially Cassius, 'cause he's all lean and hungry and he gets Brutus all paranoid that Caesar's gonna be king so they decide to off Caesar at the office and Caesar's wife is all "I had a bad dream and you should stay home" and Caesar's all "yeah, okay" and then some senators come and say "Is you whipped? You're stayin' home on account a what some chick said?" and Caesar's all "Damn woman--where's my robe--I'm outta here" and then it's all stabby stabby and then they decide to have a funeral cause people are like, way pissed at the senators.
So they let Marc Anthony (not THAT guy--a Roman dude) talk at the funeral, and it's all like he's Puff Daddy/P. Diddy and Caesar was all Notorious B.I.G./Biggy Small and the funeral speech is all "Every Breath You Take"/"Friends, Romans Countrymen Lend Me Your Ears" and just like P. Diddy it was the best career move Marc Anthony ever made--and he got to be co-king with Lepidoptera and Octopussy Caesar and then he went to Egypt, got it on with Cleopatra, and lost a war. Oh, and Brutus and Cassius offed themselves and Brutus's wife Porche swallowed barbecue coals after she stabbed herself in the thigh cause she was kinda into pain, if you know what I mean.
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