The ADD Movie Usher Reviews

Memoirs of a Geisha

So this movie was kind of... weird. I mean, I'm all for chick flicks--just ask my boyfriend--but there's some things that don't make sense here. First of all, how does this Japanese girl end up with blue eyes? Huh? And how come they're all speaking "japanese" but at times near the beginning it's actually japanese, but then it's english, and then when the americans come after the war they all just speak the same english which used to be japanese with exactly the same fluency and accents?

I mean, it's like King Kong where you see this giant critter and the chick is up in his nest place and yet... No monkey poop. I mean, I've seen the cages at the zoo, and well, I just don't get it. For that matter, that monkey didn't even eat anything hardly... Oh yeah--right. The geisha.

So she ends up being put up for a bidding war for her "virtue" or whatever the hell it was called--kind of like in that movie that Brooke Shields was in--Pretty Baby, I think it was. Yeah, they put her on a big plate and she was what, 12, and her mom let her do that movie and all and then there was Blue Lagoon and what kind of parent lets their kid... oh right.

So this geisha chick is pursued by this guy who's all scarred because he's a "war hero". Right. I mean, I didn't exactly ace history, but I remember the stuff about the rape of Nanking and how the Japanese behaved in Manchuria, where this scarred guy saved his buddy. Fact is, both of them are war criminals, and the chick was what, 15 or 16 when all these middle aged--hell, the doctor who bought her had to be 60--are bidding for her virginity.

I rate this movie... double ewww.