The Kid Who Sits Behind You Explains

The Plague - by Albert Camus

This book is like some dental hygiene thing, I think. See, there's this place called "Oran" which is like some town in Africa which totally sounds like the name of a toothbrush, and everybody's just ignoring these rats that are croaking all over the place because they've got "the plague", which I think is that gross stuff that gets on your teeth and they give you those red pills to chew and it's all "look you've got plague on your teeth" but my friend Jake says that it's called "plaque".

No way Jake--that's what they call those boy scout things up on my wall that my mom won't let me take down because she said they'll remind me that I "still had potential to make something of your life". Right. I quit that lameass club cause on account of one day my grandpa was over and he was kinda loaded and he took me aside after I came home from scouts and he said "What the hell is this sissy outfit" and something about how scouts is filled with perverts and stuff and so I quit cause that old man rocks when he ain't going on forever about some stupid car he had back in 1950 something.

Anyway, I don't quite get how the rats get bad teeth and all, but they start showing up dead all over town and the people just igore them cause they want to party and not brush their teeth. And then it's too late and they all start dying from this "bubonic plague" which is like when your gums get so infected your whole body is like one giant cavity with tooth decay coming out your armpits and it's hella disgusting.

Then the book goes on forever about nothing, really, ceptin' how this priest is all "God wants us to learn from this" and this doctor who's all "yeah right" and this reporter dude who pays some guys so sneak him out of town and ain't even pissed when they don't and a bunch of people are dead and then the plague ends and people are kind of happy when they see some rats again.

I guess they kinda missed the rats. I gotta go brush my teeth now.