The Kid Who Sits Behind You Explains

The DaVinci Code

(Editor's note: The Kid Who Sits Behind You has been on sabbatical for a while, but he is happy to be back now that he is in college and being forced to read books again. He did manage to graduate high school and tried his luck touring with a band for a couple of months, and well, the less said about that, the better. He is now enrolled in a community college, and has also joined a book club, formed by his new girlfriend, Lisanne. He is happy to once again to be able to offer you his unique insights into a variety of literary works.)

So this Dan Brown guy is all into symbolism and secret stuff and Sangreal, which I think is like some sort of wine mixed with fruit juice, plus he's all into weird religious crap and goddesses and goats and stuff. (Kinda like some of the posters I got cheap when my favorite metal record store had that closing out sale.)

He goes on about something called Opus Dei, which I think means something like "Opie's Day" or maybe "Opie is God" in latin. So I kinda got into this symbolism thing too, (cause on account of some stuff we was adjustin' our consciousness with after the first book meeting, even though Lisanne said she's going to be all straightedge now she's starting college but it was a Friday night...) Anyway, I think I get what he's hinting at.

Opie was the kid in that Andy Griffith show I used to watch on those dvds at my grandma's place and the show used to be called "Andy of Mayberry". Well, the Leonardo's name isn't "da Vinci"--that just means his name is really "Leonard of Vinci". See the connection? Plus Mayberry is like some sort of plant that they'd probably wear in their hair on May Day, when they dance around the maypole, which is like all goddess symbolic and pagan and stuff.

Plus there was a guy on the show named Gomer, and that was one of the kids of Japeth, who is one of Noah's three sons and there's all this stuff in the freemasons (my grandpa was one and after he kicked it we found this weird apron in his closet and for a while I thought he was some sort of crossdresser) about Noah's kids and that all ties in.

The main woman in the show is this hella old chick named "Aunt Bea", and that's short for Beatrice, who was a character in some play by some guy named Percy Shelley and she's treated like crap and beat on by her dad. So I figure like Aunt Bea's always havin' to be maid for Sheriff Andy 'cause he's the male authority and she's this "sacred feminine" that the religious authorities have beat down all the time.

Finally, the theme music to the show was called "The Fishin' Hole" and when they start the show there's Opie carrying a fishing pole. This is symbolic cause on account of Dan Brown tells us the "age of pisces" (the fish) is over and the "age of aquariums" is beginning, which I think mean that the christian fish-symbol is going to be replaced by the goddess of fish tanks, and Andy and Opie are going to kill fish so it all makes sense.

Plus the deputy Barney had no play with the babes and that stupid guy in the book has this hot French chick detective around and he is too busy looking for symbols to get busy, if you get what I'm sayin.