The Picture of Dorian Gray
So, like Oscar Wilde was gay and they didn't like it back in the day so he went to prison and then France and I'm not sure which would be worse. Anyway, Oscar Wilde wrote this book before they got him in court for being gay. I think maybe they read this book.
You see, it's all about this young hottie guy (Yeah, not that I think any guys are hot, dude) and his name is Dorian and this painter dude is like all in love with him and then this Lord Henry guy shows up and he's all kind of low key lusting for him too but since it's back in the day they go on for pages and pages and then throw in the whole "oh yeah I'm married to a chick" line in but it's not foolin' anyone, Oscar.
Then the painter gives Dorian the painting of him and Dorian wishes the painting would get old instead of him and it happens and then he falls for this actress chick and she's all "Dorian you're wonderful" and then he's all "No, forget what I said, you suck" and she kills herself and Dorian is all "I'm such a jerk"
Lord Henry comes over and says "cool, like no chick ever offed herself for me" and then Dorian is all "yeah, true dat" and then he starts to party and slut around and get with all sorts of people of all genders and he never looks like he's older than when it starts but the picture gets all old and gross. Then Dorian offs his buddy the painter and blackmails another buddy into mushing up the body and making it disappear--kinda like my friend Todd did when he made me do his homework or he'd tell my mom what really happened to her left headlight that time I snuck out with her car.
Then Dorian's picture gets more old and has blood on it and Dorian's all freaking out and then he destroys the painting and then you'll have to read to see what happens next--but I kinda imagined it like that scene at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark when the ark gets opened and all the nazis get turned to dust.
But Oscar--no way anyone's not guessing your secret after they read this book.
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