The Cynical Career Counsellor Explains Your Future As

A Cabdriver

Oh hello. No, he's not here right now, but I'm substituting for him. I'm Ms. Pauly, but you can call me by my first name, Anna. So, I understand that normally this is the office where people come to get advice on what to do for a living. What would you... Oh, a taxi driver? How wonderful! Let me see, I think I can come up with something for you.

You look like the type of person who's a really careful driver--am I right? Oh, really? Well, I'm sure it was a misunderstanding and you'll get your license back very soon. So, once you do, and you walk out of here with your diploma, you will have to take some imporant defensive driving courses, so you know the best way to handle the roads, to protect the precious lives entrusted to you each day.

Taxi driving will be an exciting life, so you should go downtown now, while you're still in high school, and make friends with the drivers who are waiting for fares down there. Tell them your dreams; I'm sure they'll be just as excited as you are. You'll see the romantic side of life when you're cabdriving--important politicians, successful business people, and young newlyweds all will grace your clean, shiny taxicab, made all that sweeter by the fresh cut flowers you place each day in the little holder on the dashboard. People will share...

Wait, who's that at the.... er, Mr. Jamison, you don't look, er well, should you be... what? You've been listening in? I'm going to have to go talk to the principal about... excuse me.

Whatever--don't roll your eyes at me, you psychotic Mary Kay reject. Ugh---look kid, I'm sick as a dog and I've been drinking since noon, but I came here to pick up the bottle I left... er, some important papers, and I heard that load of crap. I don't have much time... I'll give it to you simple:

You'll hate driving cab, you'll hate the people who ride it--they'll either look down on you or they'll puke in your car. Nobody will tip you enough, and everybody will think you're trying to rip them off. You'll be robbed an average of once every 10 weeks. People will run off without paying about four times a week. You'll get fat, and you won't get dates. You won't be able to afford a nice place, so you'll live over the taxistand. On your days off you'll eventually start working the dispatch, since that's where they deal the drugs from, so at least you can finally make a little bit of money.

Look--I gotta hit the can. Lock up, wouldya? Drop in next week and I'll try to find you some brochures or somethin'.