Poetry By Dythandra

My Nightmare Before Christmas

Grandma wants your christmas list, dear
Certainly, Mother (I'm difficult to buy for, apparently.)

Grandmama won't like my part of the record store--
Those closest to the crypt don't celebrate it much.
She means well--but the road to hell is paved
With the souls of those who bothered me.

I suggest a gift certificate to my favorite shop
"The Lycanthrope's Temple--Tatoos and Piercing"
(They never check ages)

It's always a festive season around our house
The fake tree, festooned with lights
The family decorations collected over the years
And mine, borrowed from the butcher's alley dumpster.
(Hook and Eye aren't just sewing terms)

No stocking for me--my torn fishnets are too porous
Even for the threatened coal
They long ago learned the dangers of giving ME fuel
And when I left Santa my specially-prepared "cookies and milk"
A stomach pump was de rigeur.

My class prepares a hamper for the needy--
There's a girl they say, just about my size.
But somehow my garments end up on the reject pile--
How metaphorical, I think to myself
(I should think scary would be an asset
For those with little else.)

But now I must run--
It's time for my favorite holiday pastime
A few photos snapped of the mall santa,
Then photoshopped and voila!
I've created a warning poster--"Registered Sexual Offender"
So fun to plaster them around the parking lot.
Even better to watch the parents explain,
As they whisk their toddlers away.

If they're smart, they'll board the chimney up this year.