Tastes Like Burning

Thoughts on the Occupy Protests (click on title to read the post)

2011-10-17T00:00:00.000-07:00

Got into a bit of a facebook debate earlier this evening about the whole thing. My question was "what are you really protesting?" I'm not against it, and thoroughly support the whole "Occupy Wall St." movement, but we've got a history nearby (June Stanley Cup riots) of jumping on any excuse to smash and burn things.

A few things stand out about what I've read about what's going on in NYC. First, it's obscene that CEO's of banks are still ridiculously overpaid and getting bonuses when they bear a lot of the blame for the mortgage mess. Meanwhile, average folks don't get help with their personal mortgage crises, and are losing their homes.

The Republican obsession with protecting a system of tax breaks designed to maintain one of the largest disparities between the wealthy and the poor in the first world is reprehensible, and their propaganda against any sort of health care system to provide for those who don't have insurance is sad to watch.

But what's the protest about closer to home, on this side of the border? It feels a lot like "We're angry and government sucks" but I don't hear specifics. David Suzuki offers his perspective on it all and I agree with his take on wrongs that need to be righted. But I'm not sure what the road map is for this change.

Maybe it's just that we need governments to be a little less comfortable; those in power should sweat a bit when they decide to take away yet another social program or cut funding to those in need just to give corporations a tax break so they won't move to some country with a corrupt government and lax environmental laws and no unions.

But it would be nice to have a manifesto, or some sort of list of demands. Since I haven't seen one yet, I thought I'd offer a few suggestions:

1. Let's stop bullshitting ourselves that we're really working towards freedom from fossil fuels. The percentage of the power grid that is supplied by solar, wind or other non-fossil fuel power is not growing fast enough. Gas, oil and coal are still providing about 3/4 of our fuel needs, and non-fossil fuels are mostly nuclear and hydroelectric, neither of which is hugely friendly to the environment.

Less time fighting wars and building pipelines for oil and more time redesigning homes to use geothermal/wind/solar power would be a good start.

2. Stop stupid importing practices. I realize I can't give up coffee so the 100-mile diet isn't for me entirely. But it's stupid to use trucks and trains and ships to bring apples from California or other long distances when I can grow pretty decent apples in my yard, and there are many orchards nearby. Same with potatoes and other fruit that will grow in this climate.

If I want oranges, they should come from California, not Florida--maybe draw a line along the Mississippi and buy from your own side. You could argue that there is plenty of beef in Alberta so why should we be bringing it in from New Zealand or Argentina?

This flies in the face of free trade, I realize, and I don't want to destroy the economies of countries that rely on a few exports. But we're killing all kinds of local industries by buying into the Walmartization of our economies. In July my family got a tour of the last lace factory in England, and they doubt it will still be there in 20 years.

I still want to support ethical products in places where they're helping change lives, but there are some things I don't need to import.

3. Get involved in politics. Putting on a George Bush or Steven Harper mask and marching is easier than going out and banging on doors and talking to people, or setting up a car pool system to get people to polling places. If a movement is truly supported by the populace, you should be able to get them to vote for it. If not, then you're less in touch with the common man and woman than you think.

4. Create/support alternate media. At a time when newspapers are folding and Fox News is growing, we need to make a conscious effort to stay informed. We can't rely on media conglomerates who want to keep corporate advertisers happy to challenge the status quo.

5. Stop making heroes out of assholes. Why is "The Situation" getting rich and famous and going on talk shows while people who volunteer with inner-city youth or work to get food to the starving in Somalia toiling in obscurity? Paris Hilton, the Kardashians, Charlie Sheen--do we really need to hear about their latest self-indulgence? Don't watch shows, buy magazines or encourage the glorification of plastic orange people with disgusting values and maybe children won't try to emulate them.

If you're going home after your protest and watching Jersey Shore, you're part of the problem.

6. Turn the theoretical disadvantaged into real people. It's one thing to say you support helping those in need; it's quite another to get to know them. I've got a ton of time for the message of folks who walk their talk, and you don't have to have a lot of money to make people's lives better. The first time you go to the homeless shelter might be a bit intimidating, but when you realize that people need whatever help you can give them, and many are interesting, engaging folks who could offer a lot if they could get past what's undermined their lives, you'll be more ready to get involved the next time. I and my family have had the privilege to do this, and it's something I'd recommend.

There's a lot more, but it's late. Feel free to add your contributions in the comments. (If anyone reads this any more.) Also feel free to criticize the new layout; Blogger pushed it on me in a weak moment.

Nottingham

2011-07-22T07:46:00.000-07:00

The weather hasn't been spectacular, but the visit has been great. We weren't sure how it would work out; we were offered lodging with some family friends, a retired couple, and I was a bit worried about how we'd all fit in their home, or just how we'd mesh with folks we barely knew.

Turned out amazingly--they had enough space to give the kids their own bedrooms, and this couple are great fun--witty, smartass repartee is the norm, and we got to see all sorts of cool places.

Sitting in the (left side) passenger front seat I'm now sure I was right not to plan on driving on this side of the channel--not just the confusion with the other side of the road, but compounded by double-lane roundabouts and trying to shift with my left hand while steering with my right.

We saw my mom's sister and her cousin, but my aunt told us that my mom's brother wasn't really up to coming out with us for a visit. Fact is, neither he nor my aunt live in areas or homes that would be places they want to host us. Also, this is the brother who is painfully shy. When mom's oldest brother was still alive, he'd be the one who did most of the talking, while Fred wouldn't have to say much.

This was a disappointment--I never met George, who passed away a few years ago, and here was a chance to meet another uncle for the first time that didn't seem like it was going to happen. I called my dad that night and he urged me to take another shot at getting together with him. Dad suggested we offer to get together in the one place Fred my be comfortable--the pub.

He knew what he was talking about. My aunt was surprised to hear we "drank beer" (mom and dad never touched alcohol) and that changed things. So while wife and daughter were off with our hosts seeing the last lace factory in Britain, my son (still 17 at this point) got to join us for a couple of pints and a nice visit with family he'd never met.

Here are a few pics from the week:

This is the view from Nottingham Castle.

The kids and I with Mom's cousin (in blue) and my Aunt Iris. After this it was just us with Iris and we learned that we were no match for this lady's energy and stamina in walking all over Nottingham.

Nottingham was a trendier city than we expected. Rather than being a rather grim industrial urban center, the downtown area was nice, and filled with the sort of shops my kids love.

James and I tried archery in Sherwood Forrest. (I did pretty well.)

The "Trip to Jerusalem"--the oldest Inn (pub) in England. It's an old crusader pub dating back to the late 1100s.

Wollaton Hall, near where we were staying in Trowell. Here we are with our hosts. It's a lovely spot, and since part of it is a natural history museum, it was filled with school tours that day. (Did I mention that even in the third week in July the poor kids are still in school?)

Next stop: London.

More France

2011-07-15T13:43:00.000-07:00

We left Paris on Saturday morning in our rental car, thinking ourselves smart as the heavy traffic would've left town on Friday afternoon, and our starting out around 7 a.m. would make things easier. We were wrong. Bumper to bumper dead slow for long sections of the first couple of hours. Surprising how many of the cars clogging the roads had Dutch plates--maybe a long weekend there?

Adventures along the way included stopping in a small community off the highway and ordering Mcdonalds somewhere that nobody spoke any English. Our French was tested more in this phase of the vacation as we moved away from the touristy areas of Paris.

The countryside is beautiful, and the village of Eymet is small but has a definite charm. The house we stayed in for the week was great; lots of room and a nice private courtyard to sit and enjoy a glass of wine and relax.

Yes, lots of wine this week, and such good wine for relatively little cost. Will be hard to get used to paying the prices back home. Now off to Nottingham. Here are a few photos from the Eymet and nearby:

The first photo is not so nearby--this is the beach at Arcachon--beautiful 33 (91) degree day on the Atlantic. Daughter was mildly traumatized by the number of topless females around, though.

The courtyard at the house we called home for a week

Countryside. 'nuff said.

A view of the village square in Eymet at dusk.

Paris

2011-07-09T13:52:00.000-07:00

It's been five lovely days in Paris for us--my second visit in as many years. This time, with family, allowed for a bit better taste of local life. For instance, we had a kitchen in the hotel, so we shopped at a nearby grocery store and also stopped each day at a bakery to get our supply of baguettes and pain au chocolat.

We stayed in Charenton, or Porte de Charenton, I think, and I liked it much better then the area around our hotel last spring with my school group. We felt comfortable coming and going even after midnight, arriving at a nearby Metro station and walking the few blocks to the hotel.

Culture shock. Hmm, not so much, although the constantly having to try to communicate in French is at times a challenge. Some things are different. For instance, the rules about alcohol. Even on the flight from Vancouver, things changed. My son, still 17, is given an glass of wine with his meal.

He enjoyed wine several times in Paris, and no doubt he'll sample beer in England. But when we're back home, we do need him to respect the fact that our laws are different.

Another difference--public washrooms. There are hardly any of them in Paris. I don't know what people do exactly, but it's a far cry from home where public places all are required to have them, as are any places that serve food.

Still, it's an amazing city. We had a lot of fun, and loved the Latin Quarter in particular. Crepes. They are something I'll miss the most when we get home.

There are photos on my facebook, but I'll add a few here as well. Next stop: Eymet, in the southwest.

Shut it all down

2011-06-04T08:04:00.000-07:00

The province, I mean. This is the first time since '94 that the Canucks have been in the finals--and they've only been there twice before now. For the first time, they're the "favourite" with home ice advantage.

What does that mean? On Wednesday, Game One started at 5:00 our time. Everybody must have left work by 4:00 to get home or to the various bars, etc. where they were going to watch. Traffic was stupid. But at 5:30, normally still rush hour, things were pretty quiet.

Boston Pizza, with a lot of locations in BC, have temporarily changed all their signage in this part of the world to "Vancouver Pizza", and Tim Horton's have made a similar name change for Boston Creme donuts.

My school's graduation ceremony last weekend included several references to the Canucks, and there are a ridiculous number of car flags of all sizes everywhere. You'll find employees wearing Canuck gear at most business outlets, and the elevator of my dad's senior's lodge has become a battleground of graffiti on the wall notice about the games. (folks crossing out "Go Canucks" to replace it with "Go Bruins" followed by "Crying towels are available at the front desk")

My wife is finding this all a bit frustrating. Not a fan herself, she doesn't appreciate how a simple game is messing up life. It's not just traffic; I had deliberately scheduled my students' last evening of theatre presentation on June 16--one of two possible dates, the other being the 15th. I'd avoided the 15th since that was my son and daughter's school awards night, and we've been informed they're both being honoured.

Now, earlier this week, we get an email informing us that the event has been shifted to the 16th, since the 15th is the night a seventh game will be played should the series go that long.

Ugh. I already missed my son's last-ever high school music concert where he was in everything and featured in a bunch of solos, etc, simply because I had to buy and plan my own school field trip to Wicked in Vancouver eight months in advance. (This happened two days ago.)

Fortunately, I have a pretty understanding administration and a cool group of senior kids. All involved agree I should go to my kids' ceremony, and we're moving our event to the 15th--should a game 7 transpire, we'll probably have to change that plan, since we realize nobody would come.

Fingers crossed--Go Canucks Go! (In six games or quicker).

Election choices

2011-04-21T07:54:00.000-07:00

Dear political parties,

Please stop having your Ontario phone banks call our house. When the same party calls twice in under 3 hours it's harassment. Also not cool: picking up the phone to have a recorded message from your leader blast at me.

At least we haven't resorted to the Kyrgyzstan parliament's approach yet.

Our evolving relationship with the interweb

2011-04-20T15:34:00.000-07:00

"Remember when we used to write e-mails all the time about this minute crap? Remember when you could write anything on your blog and it didn’t matter because no one read it, really, except your best friend and maybe a few others? Remember when it didn’t matter that you ‘only’ had 350 twitter followers? I do. I loved those days. I loved when we weren’t all so busy, when we didn’t give a shit about the popularity contest the Internet has become, when we didn’t have to narrate our every damn move and respond to every damn comment and/or @ message."

Yes, I've done the heretical and put quotation marks around something already indented to show it's a quote. Thing is, it's a quote within a quote, and you can find the whole article by John Abell here.

It's interesting to watch as the internet becomes more mainstream, and traffic is pulled by the more sophisticated, bigger-budget websites and the internet mavericks (still gag a bit on that word after the last U.S. election campaign) less edgy and harder to find among the time devoted to things like Rebecca Black's "Friday" video. (Even Stephen Colbert spoofing it on Jimmy Fallon's show---sorry I'm too lazy to post a link.)

Maybe that's why I haven't been posting so much. Maybe another reason is the hockey playoffs. In honor of that particular obsession, I've created yet another blog. Mostly it's a place for me to post video clips I might mention in hockey discussion groups or forums.

Although if things go like they did last night (7-2 loss) much more, maybe I'll be posting more here soon.

Really, Hollywood?

2011-03-24T23:58:00.000-07:00

What two movies have I seen the most ads for in the past few days? "Sucker Punch" and "Hobo With a Shotgun".

Wow. They're not waiting until summer for these blockbusters. We are living in halcyon days.

Thrift

2011-03-19T23:23:00.000-07:00

My parents didn't spend their money when I was a kid. My dad grew up during the depression, and like many of that generation, he never really felt quite comfortable that his financial situation could be trusted.

When I was in sixth grade, my dad finally succumbed to pressure and bought our first colour TV. It was a beautiful 26-inch model, and I remember getting up early the day after we got it and turning on anything--just to see TV in colour.

I also remember my grandmother's reaction. She basically told me we (the family) were selfish because we pressured my dad to waste his money on something as unnecessary.

Fast forward many years to this past week. My dad has a TV that's not much better than that one I was thrilled we got way back when. (a screen one whole inch larger). I decided he needed to join the 21st century and got him connected to HD and a new TV. He can easily afford it; there's no reason for him to be watching hockey or baseball on an old-school TV when he can see how amazingly clearer the hi-def broadcasts are.

(Plus now I'm more likely to go watch the big games at his place instead of trying to drag him over to our house where he can't really relax.)

I wonder what my grandmother would say?

Something funny for Saturday morning

2011-03-12T08:13:00.000-08:00

What did that Groundhog say again?

2011-03-01T22:40:00.000-08:00

It's just not right. Normally when I wake up the morning after closing night, I'm surprised to discover spring has snuck up me--not difficult considering I'm pretty much stuck in a theatre with no windows for two weeks straight during daylight hours.

Not this time. Stupid snow made another appearance on Sunday night/Monday morning.

I'm ready to get out in the garden now; this Winnipeg-west shtick is getting old fast.

Another Openin', Another Show

2011-02-20T21:09:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow it's The Music Man. If you live nearby and want to see it, unfortunately, you'll have to act quickly. We've sold out pretty much all six nights; there are a few tickets (about 20) for Tuesday and Thursday and maybe a dozen available for tomorrow. Wednesday, Friday and Saturday are gone.

I'm exhausted as usual at this point in the game, but hopefully once we get through opening things will move along rather routinely and I won't have to lose too much sleep. With a few kids' health in question, and threats of snow coming up mid-week, I don't know that I'll have that luxury, though.

Gah, a whiny post recently on my other blog--sorry if you went there, but I've added/am adding more there as well.

One week from today I'll have the wonderful feeling of freedom that comes with having actual weekends and family time again.

Tom Clancy

2011-02-16T22:47:00.000-08:00

Can anybody actually read his novels? Really?

I'm struggling with one I picked up somewhere a while back--it's a mindless read when I'm too tired to think much at the end of a long day--and really, it reminded me of the Simpson's episode when they mocked George Lucas for his boring fascination with politics in the more recently-made Star Wars movies.

Mr. Clancy loves his heroic politicians and lengthy descriptions of their good-guy heroicness (yes I know it isn't a word auto-correct) and how they aren't part of the mainstream bureaucracy...

Blah, blah, blah. Develop some sort of a plot line, soon. How has this guy made over a two hundred mil. from writing?

(He tried to put 200 million of his own money the Minnesota Vikings in the mid-90s but his divorce ended up costing too much.)

I just don't see the appeal. Then again, I thought the DaVinci Code was a terribly-written book.

reunion

2011-02-15T21:32:00.000-08:00

As we're planning a France/England trip in the next few months, I've been attempting to get contact info for my late mom's relatives in Nottingham. After some adventures with a helpful overseas operator, we were able to leave a message with my mom's sister and she got our number by calling my dad and voila, this past Saturday I called and had a nice chat with her.

First time we've spoken since I was maybe 9 or 10 and she came to Canada for a visit.

We asked about recommendations for a hotel in the area--we won't be there long but still want to do maybe a couple of nights so we can meet a few of my long lost extended family members.

Came home today to a long message from a distant cousin; included an email for her daughter. Seems her grandson does something similar to what I do for a living.

This is all kind of interesting; I'm curious to find out about these cousins I didn't know I had.

On a different topic, my frustrations of earlier today led to my first post on the "other" blog for quite a while. If you're a regular and forgotten the address or want to be added to the reader list, email me at japurple01REMOVETHISPART@hotmail.com.

They're not all prima donnas

2011-02-14T22:20:00.001-08:00

Some athletes are jerks. Michael Vick is now among the NFL's elite even though a darker side was revealed a few years ago. Matt Cooke has been suspended yet again for recklessly endangering another hockey player. Bruins player Marc Savard's career is probably over after another recent concussion--a problem originating with a disgusting cheap hit from Cooke last season.

But there are scores of good people who appreciate their good fortune and haven't lost the common touch. A couple of examples are Mike Rupp of the Pittsburgh Penguins and yes, perhaps a little surprising to some, David Beckham, possibly the most famous active soccer player in the world.

I heard both of these stories while driving into work recently, and just thought I'd share.

Very busy--show in 3 weeks, marks due in 34 hours

2011-01-30T22:47:00.000-08:00

But in the meantime--I believe this to be true

Some advice for TV exec types - Criminal Minds

2011-01-23T00:45:00.000-08:00

As I said in the last post, there are at least two things that make Criminal Minds (a show we like in this household) ridiculous.

1. (and this is true of many similar shows) Every time there is a job opening, it just happens that the replacement is good-looking enough to be a model. Hmm, is there some sort of a perv conspiracy at the top of the FBI and every crime lab in every major US city? I realize that attractive people make us common folk more likely to watch a show, but are we so shallow that we can't have one normal looking person out in the field finding perps?

2. The delivery of the profile. This is ridiculous in the extreme. When the team has assembled the basic details they believe to be true of the "unsub" they will call all the local law enforcement folk together to share the profile. But here's the thing--they do it as a team; each member follows the sentence of the previous one with their next like some sort of well-rehearsed chorus. Even the new girl who's only been on the team for a couple of episodes pipes in.

I direct shows--if this were a scene in a play, it would need some rehearsal time to make sure everyone knew when to come in and who had each 'line'. But there they are, nobody talking over anyone else, each taking their turn, and nobody apparently reading from a script.

Are we to believe that just happens? Or as the clock ticks and the poor victim's chances are becoming slimmer and slimmer, does the team sneak off for an hour to run practices of this performance--each profiler's lines marked with different colored highlighter pens? This is the single most annoying feature of this show, and makes any pretense of realism a joke.

Well, that and the fact that Greg left Dharma and has become a super-serious never-smile FBI guy.

Some advice for TV exec types - The Office

2011-01-22T08:44:00.000-08:00

The Office - So it seems Steve Carrell is going to be leaving the show earlier than expected. Originally, the buzz was that the Holly character would be taking over as "boss". Clearly some focus groups have squashed that ill-advised idea, and now they're looking at a variety of possibilities.

If you read the link article, you'll see options that all sound, well, like guarantees that the show will soon be gone. If you watch the show, the very idea that the Todd Packer character might be more of a regular will make you gag.

Meanwhile, the Golden Globes has once more shown us how Ricky Gervais can make us all squirm uncomfortably as he crosses several lines even in a short opening monologue. He may not have have as much name/face recognition on this side of the Atlantic as he does in Britain, but he's still far better and better-known than anyone they're looking at to try to replace Carrell.

So here's the plan: Get Ricky Gervais, who already is one of the show's producers, and who created the whole concept when he did the earlier British version, to take over as Michael Scott's replacement.

Then, go one step further. Gradually begin begin replacing the Dunder Mifflin employees with their counterparts from the original British show. Trust me, aside from Dwight, the rest of the current characters are done story-wise anyway. It's the only way this show will be around 18 months from now.

Next time: The two things that make Criminal Minds ridiculous.

Wow

2011-01-08T13:30:00.000-08:00

Many years ago I coached elementary school (gr 6 & 7) basketball. I never saw nuthin' like this.

http://www.komonews.com/home/video/111892554.html

A quick review of 2010

2011-01-03T00:05:00.000-08:00

January: Busy getting show ready, family helping M. in law get used to life after loss of P. in law...

February: Show opens at end of month--it was tough doing something nobody ever heard of, but ultimately the kids pulled it off. Competing with Olympics meant one night with empty seats--they were sold but the hockey game was too much competition

March:

First two-week spring break and we had 10 days in beautiful La Quinta at this house. Hard to come back home after 85 degrees.

April - May:

London and Paris, as well as Oxford, Stratford and Bath, were amazing. 30 kids and 4 adults joined me for a 12-day trip and it was a grand adventure.

June: Favorite niece gets married, and I get to do the toast to the bride. A wonderful wedding and great family time.

July - August: Some small trips, including taking my dad back home to see old friends he hadn't seen since mom's funeral.

September: Daughter and son at the same school for the first time in a few years--she likes being close to home and back with old friends, but misses all the friends she made at my school. Meanwhile, facebook page started by those she left urging her to return counts 70 members.

October: Hmm, halloween? oh wait, we raised $51,000 for cancer research and camp support and as part of all that my head was shaved for the sixth year in a row.

November: My first gay wedding--awesome friends invite me to Whistler to celebrate their nuptials. Total of eight guests makes it the most intimate such celebration I've been privileged to be part of--uber cool.

(I'm not sure if the dog makes it nine guests.)

December: A wonderful Christmas with lots of good family time. I've probably gained a few pounds, but that's what new years resolutions are for, right?

Happy New Year!

Final Video Advent Calendar Entry - For December 24

2010-12-24T00:18:00.001-08:00

Since this is your December 24 Video Advent Calendar, it's the last one, but I can't post just one, so I'm offering a variety of clips in this final installment.

First, although I posted it not that long ago, this is an amazingly well-done spoof of movie trailers.

I'm a big fan of the Improv Everywhere musicals in mall food fairs or grocery stores, or their simultaneous freeze of a few hundred people in Grand Central Station. This is a flash mob that pays homage to MC Hammer's cool pants and his cool dance moves.

I am a fan of all things Simpsons (thus the title of this blog) and this is one of the best homemade Simpsons intros--"The Estonian Version"

Dustin is one of the visitors (I think) to this blog, and a pretty funny and creative guy who plays the werewolf in this Twilight spoof.

That's all for now--hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and a great start to 2011.

Video Advent Calendar for Dec.23

2010-12-23T00:10:00.000-08:00

My kids would say my wife and I are already like this.

Video Advent Calendar for Dec. 22

2010-12-21T23:24:00.000-08:00

Okay, you just need to follow the link to Vimeo to watch this full screen. The question I have is How do you learn to do this? I mean, I don't think this is the sort of activity that would be forgiving of beginner's mistakes.

Truly amazing footage.

Superior, Speed Fly from Marshall Miller on Vimeo.

Video Advent Calendar for Dec.21

2010-12-20T15:59:00.000-08:00

A classic.

More Cowbell! - watch more funny videos

Video Advent Calendar for Dec.20 (with bonus)

2010-12-19T20:10:00.000-08:00

Here are two Rob Pavarian video clips I've posted before. The first is his classic Pachelbel Rant, and in the second we get his take on the Friends theme song and a Sugar Ray song.

Video Advent Calendar for Dec.19

2010-12-19T00:08:00.000-08:00

40 Inspirational Speeches in 2 Minutes

Video Advent Calendar for Dec.18

2010-12-17T23:04:00.000-08:00

He's just a normal reindeer.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Video Advent Calendar for December 17

2010-12-16T21:48:00.001-08:00

Want to be the life of a geeky party? Try some of these scientific tricks!

Video Advent Calendar for Dec.16

2010-12-15T19:31:00.000-08:00

I saw this the first time a couple of years ago--it's funnier if you've seen The Shining.

Video Advent Calendar for Dec.15

2010-12-14T21:28:00.000-08:00

Our household is a 24 household--I got the first season last boxing day (Dec.26 for those of you who don't have that as a stat holiday where you are) and we went through seven seasons by July.

Video Advent Calendar for Dec.14

2010-12-13T20:02:00.000-08:00

This is strange but the guy has some talent. I like how you can tell the order in which he recorded them by how tired he looks.

Video Advent Calendar- Dec.13

2010-12-12T22:02:00.000-08:00

I think I first saw this three years ago--maybe I even posted it. This is the original--there are better versions they've got on their website--plus other songs if you want to take a look. (You can get to it from clicking on this video and going to their Youtube page.)

Video Advent Calendar for Dec.12

2010-12-12T08:56:00.000-08:00

Count the movie references.

Video Advent Calendar for Dec.11

2010-12-11T00:37:00.000-08:00

This is ridiculous--just watching it could induce a panic attack; I can't imagine actually walking it.

Video Advent Calendar for Dec.10

2010-12-09T23:44:00.000-08:00

This is kind of cool because it's Steve Carrell and it's Victoria. Yes, this channel (in HD) was actually on our TV for a little while today.

Video Advent Calendar for Dec.9

2010-12-09T00:09:00.000-08:00

If you're a vegetarian, don't even try to watch this.

If you're looking for a new way to serve your main meat course this holiday season, though...

So inappropriate, and yet...

2010-12-07T18:47:00.001-08:00

It's your video advent calendar treat for December 8.

Video Advent Calendar for Dec 7

2010-12-06T19:19:00.000-08:00

If you like Gilbert and Sullivan, you'll love this.

Video Advent Calendar for Dec 6

2010-12-05T20:36:00.000-08:00

I saw this for the first time years ago, but it's always been a favorite.

Video Advent Calendar for Dec5

2010-12-05T08:09:00.000-08:00

Jimmy Fallon is a pretty impressive impressionist (say that five times fast)

Video Advent Calendar for Dec.4

2010-12-03T22:04:00.000-08:00

There are a few of these Boston Bruins bear commercials. Classic.

Video Advent Calendar for Dec.3-Cardboard Warfare

2010-12-02T23:22:00.000-08:00

This is pretty cool, and shows how high-powered video-editing technology is becoming more and more accessible to folks who don't spend tens of thousands of dollars to be able to produce great effects.

Just a link this time

2010-12-01T23:41:00.000-08:00

The second video treat for this online advent calendar is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-qM78XinyE

It's MAD tv's "Raging Rudolph"; don't watch it if you don't handle violent bloody spoofs of holiday classics well.

I like it most for its bang-on reproduction of the look and voices of the original characters. Even the opening credits titling matches well.

Your Video Advent Calendar

2010-12-01T07:47:00.000-08:00

You're probably familiar with those advent calendars with the little doors--you open one each day leading up to Christmas, and there's a chocolate or some treat inside.

Well, think of here as your video advent calendar. Today's treat is an reappearance by Speak, everyone's favorite rapper.

TGIM?

2010-11-21T21:38:00.000-08:00

Not the most relaxing weekend ever.

First, windstorm from earlier in the week blew a couple of pieces of soffit (sp?) into the yard--you know, those metal pieces that go under your roof overhang--and also messed up our fence in two spots.

Those were to be my Saturday jobs. Except, there was snow and it was bloody cold.

Daughter's turn on Friday to bring home the "baby" for the weekend--they have several of these dolls, which are realistic-looking babies which are designed to teach students what it is like to look after a baby of their own. If it cries, it either needs feeding, burping or changing, or it just needs to be reassured that mom is nearby.

My daughter had a wrist bracelet attached which is sensed by the baby, and the bracelet is too tight for her to take off and give to someone else. (Same as a hospital bracelet). There is one "babysitter" bracelet as well that someone else can wear so they can take over her duties for a while.

Not much sleep for her this weekend. Some justice in that, perhaps--she was definitely the more challenging of our two when it came to miserable nights with little sleep when they were babies. Still, she's sick, I'm still nursing a two-month sinus/cough thing, and wife just had surgery on Wednesday. Much fun.

Then there was my son--new job on Saturday morning, and he wanted to be up bright and early to be ready to go. Tough to be alert when sister's baby has been crying loudly in the next room every couple of hours, but he did have earplugs.

But wait, there was a power outage at 2 a.m. So wife and I are trying to figure out this stupid battery-powered travel alarm clock in the middle of the night, and just as we're about to fall back to sleep fake baby starts up again. Waking up in the morning to a cold house and no lights wasn't fun. Son did get off to work though, and it went well.

At least today didn't suck--but it was very cold out there doing some of those repairs. Going back to work almost seems like a break.

Quick takes

2010-11-11T07:49:00.000-08:00

1. One of the few readers left for this blog has something pretty cool happening right now--it's not every day you get to watch your child compete on Jeopardy. I'll be tuning in tomorrow night (Friday) as well.

2. When is it too early for Christmas music? My daughter thinks the day after Halloween is the starting point for her love for Christmas music to find expression through her computer playlist, her saxophone playing, and pretty constant whistling as she wanders through the house. I've always told her it's fine after Remembrance Day, so we're there now anyway.

3. Dear forward writers for "classic" novels. I'm one of those strange folk who has a hard time skipping pages when I read anything, and I've got a suggestion. Spoiler alerts. You might think that we're just rereading the book for the 12th time as we prepare yet another thesis on Victorian literature, but maybe, just maybe, I'd like to watch the plot unfold without knowing how it all ends. Perhaps save that part of your brilliant analysis for an afterword.

4. Ever wake up with something in your head and you don't know where it came from? Got the weirdest inspired idea ever around 4 a.m. last night--with the right help and guidance I think this could make an awful lot of money, and the window of opportunity before someone else thinks of it is probably no longer than five years, but I doubt I've got the energy or wherewithal to make it happen. I can't bring myself to give it away here, but trust me, if you understand rabid sports fans, you'd agree with me.

5. Did you know that Remembrance Day observances are the only school ceremonies that are mandated by law in Canada?

6. The gay wedding was very nice, and the whole weekend tons of fun. I may even post a few pics at some point--I'll definitely be posting some on facebook soon.

Off to go scramble to catch up with my marking since the deadline to submit my grades is imminent. More later.

Nanowrimo and Six Years

2010-10-26T07:13:00.000-07:00

Just realized this morning that the National Novel Writing Month is fast upon us. It's difficult for most to come up with 50,000 words in a month, but probably worthwhile in some grand sense of developing one's voice, setting a goal and meeting it, (insert own platitude here)...

Don't think I'll be doing it this year. I tried in '06, 07 and 08, and managed to actually complete it once in three tries. November is just too busy a month--if this happened May - August I'd probably be taking a shot once more.

About a month ago this blog turned six. Blogs have become the vinyl records of the internet music collection. Most people don't bother with them, but some are still pretty serious about the whole thing. Mostly I lack regular inspiration, or the energy to run with it.

Readership is lacking, too--not surprising when updates are infrequent. Had a look at the stats for the first time in a while and noticed a few things: There were about 40 hits a day within the first few months, which peaked at almost 100 per day around the two-year mark.

The highest total this month was 8. Even though it takes a couple of weeks to get the traffic that used to come in a day, I'm not quite ready to say goodbye to this yet.

Most visitors come from a few states in the northeastern U.S., and there are a few who check in from Europe from time to time.

Must now run and figure out how to cope with being kicked out of my space again this morning--regular classrooms just don't cut it; sitting in a desk for Drama class ain't much fun.

Vancouver, and some rambling on social housing

2010-10-23T10:31:00.000-07:00

It's been over two decades since I called Vancouver home, and staying downtown this weekend and traveling about has been interesting.

The lines one could draw on the map between affluent and disadvantaged areas seem just as clear and the contrasts as stark as I recall, but in some of the sketchier areas you can see signs of improvement. I suppose that started in the mid-80s with the Expo renewal and the recent Olympic development has continued that, though the conversion of Olympic athlete residences to provide some lower-income housing hasn't proceeded as smoothly as was promised.

Gentrification has its victims--folks who call the skid row neighborhood home have nowhere to go when upscale condo residents organize to legislate them away from their new homes. Unless a concurrent increase in emergency shelter beds accompanies such development, the folks in the direst situations simple are forced to congregate in increasing numbers in smaller and smaller areas--and the contrast between rich and poor neighborhoods becomes even more dramatic.

Closer to home, I have watched my brother-in-law as the process of building a shelter next to his auto repair shop goes forward. While some others in the area have fought to block what they see as a potential disaster which will bring in all sorts of social problems and drive away customers, he's chosen to engage in the process, and been part of the committee which is working to make this new facility a success.

What has yet to be determined, now that this new building is becoming operational, is how many of the street people will choose to take advantage of what is offered. It is a great facility, but like any of its kind, it has to have basic rules and expectations, and folks who are suffering from addictions or mental illnesses may feel that the freedom of the street, while more dangerous and uncomfortable, is still preferable for them.

We'll know soon.

Goin' to the chapel...

2010-10-19T18:14:00.000-07:00

I just made my hotel reservation and I've booked the Friday off for traveling. I'm going to my first gay wedding November 6.

It will make for interesting conversation with a few of my relatives at Christmas time, I bet.

Maybe I'll even post some pics.

The Cynical Career Counselor Explains Your Future as a

2010-10-15T05:17:00.000-07:00

Dermatologist

Hi kid, I see by the appointment card you're thinking about a dermatology career. Seems like a growth industry, what with all the boomers becoming senior citizens, but you might want to consider the big picture.

You'll do a hellishly long stint in college, med school and then training in your specialty. The student loan debts will haunt your every moment for the first years of your career. A ridiculous amount of overtime at the clinic where you set up your first practice, coupled with filling it at various clinics on weekends will get you solvent quickly, though.

Unfortunately, the money stress becomes imprinted on your subconscious, and the drive to earn ever more will be your undoing. More and more you supplement your already-successful practice with unnecessary cosmetic procedures. The acne-scarred teenager and the burned pre-schooler sit waiting in an office decorated with posters pushing vanity services, while Mrs. Barrington-Smythe gets yet another botox or collagen injection.

Soon you're suggesting these procedures to everyone you encounter--they're simply too quick and lucrative for you to resist. Many of your clients can't really afford these services, but your ad campaigns panic them into debt in pursuit of eternal youth. Fortunately your toxins keep all expression from their paralyzed facial muscles, and you learn not to notice the desperation in their eyes.

Eventually you become a fixture at the cocktail parties of the elite, and it's at one of these events a dowager whispers the latest breakthrough offered surreptitiously by one of your rivals--a special skin treatment which features the crushed pineal gland of a rare species of South American fresh-water turtle.

You're unable to sleep for several nights afterward as you obssessively research everything you can find out about this illegal treatment. Soon you've discovered a local underworld connection who offers to supply you with the requisite turtle glands for an outrageous price. Your quick calculations prove that you'll be unable to make a significant profit on the illicit procedure, but you fear losing some of your wealthiest regulars, so desperation guides your faustian bargain.

A scant four months later FBI agents, working as part of an international sting operation, arrest you. You refuse to rat out your criminal suppliers, so you're given a hefty fine and sentenced to five years in prison.

Prison terrifies you; it's not just the other inmates you're worried about--you're also convinced the mob will put out a contract on your life to make sure you won't change your mind and snitch. Eventually, though, you manage to make the terror less intense by first bargaining away the assets left after your fine to get the mafia to cancel the contract, and making yourself invaluable to the other inmates through your expert after-care for prison tattoos.

Good behaviour gets you out in three years, but you're broke and with your reputation, no dermatology clinics will hire you, and no reputable physician will refer anyone to you. Eventually you take a job at a free clinic in the worst part of town--your nights consist of stitching up the victims of domestic abuse to the soundtrack of cynical cops unsuccesfully trying to coerce cooperation in pressing charges.

Prison rearranged your priorities, which makes your new life in a modest condo and driving a domestic sedan a little easier to bear. It will a decent life for a year or two until a radical offshoot of PETA discovers your whereabouts and kidnaps you.

They'll kill you slowly, injecting massive doses of botox into various parts of your body. On the bright side, most who attend your funeral will gush about how peaceful you look.

Watch this.

2010-10-12T23:59:00.000-07:00

It's kind of awesome.

Too busy to be sick

2010-10-09T07:59:00.000-07:00

Wednesday I was sick but went into to work--a poetry slam at lunch means theatre and sound set-up, and you can't dump that on a replacement. Ended up going home after lunch; missed out on a fire drill, which was nice.

Thursday stayed home, but was up by 5 a.m. spending 45 minutes typing up detailed instructions for my day. Then at 2:30 I'm off to school because it music theatre, and missing the first class would undermine the reign of terror I enforce when it comes to missing rehearsals. So the sub gets a day's pay and I lose a full sick day, yet I'm in for 1/4 of my work day anyway.

It's waay easier to go in sick, which is probably why so many of us have a ton of sick days banked.

Now it's thanksgiving weekend here, so I should be a few pounds heavier by Tuesday. Too bad I have so much marking to do. I'll probably blog again just to waste time instead of working.

Cast

2010-10-01T19:29:00.000-07:00

It's done. I've missed the beautiful weather this week stuck inside running auditions every day after school, but we finished today and then managed to turn our three separate lists of people into one cast of speaking roles and chorus.

75 degrees here today--warm for October 1. Good day generally--found out my school bested its best ever total raising funds for Cops for Cancer - $51 thousand raised in 11 days. Very cool; it's a great school full of wonderful people.

Of course, a bunch of them will hate me when the cast list is posted on Monday morning...

From the archives - 15-minute Hamlet

2010-09-18T12:10:00.000-07:00

I wonder if this video clip is too long for blogger to let me post it here?

Anyway, it's from an "Evening of Theatre" in June, 2007. I've been clearing files off hard drives and cleaning up old tapes and things lately, and when I ran across this it reminded me of why I like the piece.

I think they needed a little more guidance/rehearsal, but at least the mispronunciations show they really did put this together on their own. It's actually supposed to be a 14-minute Hamlet with a one-minute reprise of the whole show; and it comes in pretty close to those times.

The Kid Who Sits Behind You Explains High School Literature

2010-09-16T19:17:00.000-07:00

Of Mice and Men

So there's these two dudes, George and Lenny, and George is kinda this smaller smart guy, while Lenny's the big stupid guy. At the beginning they're runnin' away from some town called Weed, which is kinda funny, cause on account of when I was reading that part I... well, it was just funny.

Anyway, George kinda babysits Lenny, cause Lenny's pretty stupid and mostly harmless 'cept when he goes all spazzy about rabbits or slutty chicks.

Then there's this guy Curly, I think, and he lost a glove so he only wears one or something and he's a jerk and his wife is kinda the skank of the camp and Lenny thinks she's a rabbit and pets her hair and then, oops.

I totally give this book five stars 'cause the teacher said we could read this or Grapes of Wrath and this one was like 80 pages or something and that one was hella long.

Oh, and later after George was on his own he fought in Vietnam with Forrest Gump and had his legs cut off and had to get surgery so he could walk again and be a CSI in New York.

177

2010-09-15T08:09:00.000-07:00

That's the number of sick days I have built up apparently. Really? I need to take some days off. Too much hassle to prepare for a sub, though.

We're back in the annual pre-audition time and this year has a new variation. Ever since the information meeting about the musical it seems some of the new grade 9s have adopted the strategy of saying hello to me by name every time they see me in the hallway. It's kind of unsettling--I keep doing double takes thinking I should know the person speaking to me, but I don't.

Or maybe I'm hitting senility really fast.

The Cynical Career Counselor Explains Your Future as a

2010-09-10T16:09:00.000-07:00

Movie Critic

Hey, I remember you--you're the one who wrote that great review for No Country for Old Men. You could've saved me some time if you had mentioned they don't bother to finish the damn movie.

Oh really? I guess practicing on the school paper is a natural starting point for a movie reviewer. Your professional career will probably be pretty straightforward.

You'll hit up little community newspapers, looking for an opportunity to share your film thoughts, and perhaps you'll find some who are receptive. It will be a tough road, though--most of those won't really pay anything, and you'll have to work a real job for years.

Maybe you'll review movies for a college paper if you choose to go that route, or maybe one of your pieces will impress just the right editor who decides your writing is good enough to replace the previous guy who killed himself because he was tired of living on dog food.

When you finally reach the pinnacle of your dreams--and I'm being generous in thinking it might happen--you'll get to review for a major national paper. Problem is, you'll be stuck writing about the crap movies most of the populace loves, not the art films you feel are worth the effort of watching. Soon you'll grow to despise your generation's version of Jennifer Aniston as that actress sleeps through one template-produced romantic comedy after another.

Eventually you can't take it any more, and an alternative, independent magazine hires you to write about more avant garde films. Problem is, they go broke after six months and you find yourself unemployed. Your first piece for that paper was a scathing repudiation of the tripe you'd been forced to review for your previous employer, so now you're unemployed, you've little chance of mending that bridge.

Just as you're about to become desperate and take that Walmart greeter job, you get an offer from an on-line company--Netflix have ventured into alternative films, and they want you to give authentic reviews for the fans of cutting edge cinema. You love it, and the next four months are the best of your life.

Then it happens. You're invited to adjudicate a film festival in Brazil, but on the way there, your plane is forced to land in remote mountain country in Venezuela. Before you and the other survivors can make it to the cockpit to try to radio for help, you're surrounded by machine-gun wielding guerrilla forces who take six of you captive. You're later separated from the others and accompanied to a base where you meet a few other kidnap victims.

One of them explains that this particular rebel group finances most of their operations through the kidnap of wealthy foreigners. Many of your fellow prisoners have been held by the rebels for over a year--a couple for over two. Then you're dragged away from that compound and marched to another one even higher in the mountains. There you're kept on a length of chain in a tiny shack.

Your captors know that foreigners accustomed to creature comforts can lose the will to live if deprived of everything familiar for too long, so they've equipped this remote little prison with an old VHS player that runs on a diesel generator. There you get to spend every evening watching one of the only three tapes in the shack--all from the "Jennifer Lopez Cinema Collection". After six weeks of Maid in Manhattan, Gigli and Jersey Girl, one of your guards falls asleep just long enough to let you hang yourself.

Hey, maybe they'll make a movie about it!

The Cynical Career Counselor Explains Your Future as a

2010-08-22T15:24:00.000-07:00

Firefighter

Hi kid - so what'll it be? Computer programmer? Comic book store manager? Firefighter? Really? You just don't, er, seem the type.

Well, it won't be easy--every would-be calendar hunk who doesn't want to be stuck in a classroom through four years of college sees it as the ticket to a decent income and hot chicks.

Aww, look--you're blushing.

Anyway, going straight to the city fire department will be futile. They get hundreds of applications from football-player types and when those spots are filled, the rest go to suitable females and minorities--you don't qualify for any of those categories.

So you'll need to go the "volunteer fireman" route to get much-needed experience before they'll even consider you. You'll have to move to some god-forsaken podunk farm community and take a horrible job at the feed store or radio station to make ends meet--I could tell you all about that sometime if you like--and then you'll sign up with the volunteer fire department.

You see, towns like that can't afford paid firefighters, so for the cost of a CB radio for your obligatory pickup truck, you can become one of the volunteers.

They won't exactly welcome you with open arms--city types are viewed suspiciously in places like that, and I don't see you blending in with the country farm boys. Still, you'll study the theory of firefighting in all your spare time and so when some sort of challenging situation involving a tanker truck overturning on the highway arises, or a grain elevator explodes, you'll know just what to do.

If you're lucky you'll avoid being crushed by the roof of a burning barn, or trampled by the frightened horses that run out of said barns, and you'll survive two of the loneliest years of your life living over the garage at "Widder Jenkins" place.

You can't just quit, but you'll start arranging your days off to allow you to get to nearby towns with real fire departments where you show your resumé that includes a variety of glowing reference letters and even a couple of newspaper clippings that mention your firefighting acumen.

One town has an opening, and you grab it, but it's only part-time, so now you have to find another job, while still putting in hours at the fire station washing the trucks and testing hoses for your small monthly stipend.

Here you find your first real romance - The local girl who walks her dog by the fire hall each day and who isn't quite attractive enough for the hunky firemen to be interested. You've worked hard getting fit for your job, and the long, lonely hours with little to do but work out in your last town helped. The two of you hit it off and before long you're engaged.

Her folks oppose the marriage as you haven't much income and the two of you agree to postpone the marriage until you've got a real firefighting job. It takes another year but you get a job in a slightly larger town that can afford full timers.

You're so excited you try too hard at the new job, and soon alienate most of your colleagues. Your fiancee is annoyed by having to move to a town where she doesn't know anyone, and rebuffs your attempts to set a wedding date. You get depressed and frustrated and begin working all the overtime you can get to avoid being alone in your drab apartment. It gets so bad that you even set a couple of fires to create more work.

Then it happens; you're in a warehouse that's been torched for the insurance money and a beam falls and traps you. By the time you're rescued, your left leg and arm have been seriously burned, and your employment compensation agency sends you off to the firefighter's rehab center in Chicago.

Look I need to get going, so here's the quick finish: Your girlfriend comes to visit, meets some other guy who's been much more disfigured than you, but still has the charm and personality he had before his accident. She dumps you, marries him, and you realize it wasn't just your looks that were the problem. Your personality sucks too.

Sorry, but look on the bright side--when you get back to work you can take the dalmatian for walks in the park. I hear that can be a really good ice breaker with the ladies. Good luck!

Quick Hits

2010-08-17T22:52:00.001-07:00

Yep, it's been ages since I posted. That's what summer holidays will do. On the bright side, home renos and painting have gotten underway. A few things on my brain:

1. Son takes his first shot at the road test to get his drivers license tomorrow. If he gets it, I anticipate we'll discover that two cars in this household won't be entirely enough. If we lived closer to town, maybe, but it will be a problem.

2. Somewhat strange but cool "facebook" experience last week: Drove my daughter up island so she could camp with her friend and friend's family and on the way back stopped for dinner/visit with a couple I haven't seen in 22 years. Last time we hung out, the wife of the couple was just graduating high school or starting college. For about a year and a half, while I dated that girl's aunt--who is only two years older than her--we were all best of friends, pretty much family. When that relationship ended, it also ended all the ancillary friendships.

But facebook reconnected us, and more than a year after their invite "if you're coming through town", I was able to finally take them up on it. It was an awesome time and I realized it was stupid but probably unavoidable that I lost those friendships due to a breakup. Weird to meet their kids--both older than their mom was last time I saw her.

3. Tamil migrant ship(s): No, I'm not a racist, nor knee-jerk against refugee claimants. This "arriving in a boat trumps all other claimants who've been following rules and waiting years" has to stop. Organized crime reaps the proceeds of these ships and how we handle this one that's arrived in town will determine how many more will soon be following. Sadly, I concede the rules need to change and this method of jumping the line has to stop.

4. Stupid HST. Paid 12% tax on school supplies for my daughter today. Used to be all such supplies were exempt from the provincial sales tax at least. Still, got off easier than the woman in front of us in line who has seven kids--her supplies tallied over $400 on the register.

5. Hot weather = good garden. Really, it's amazing what our modest garden produces. I think we'll get more tomatoes this year than ever before. Garden beans, peas, radishes, swiss chard, carrots, zuchini, onions and beets have all been wonderful and plentiful so far.

6. Cassette tapes. Do you still have any? The past few days I've been tossing out most, and transferring some stuff to my itunes on my laptop. Best find - My Fair Lady from my grade 12 year. It's not the entire show but probably at least half of it, and the sound quality is decent. Second best find - a song I began to think I'd made up. I remembered even seeing the video long ago (maybe 12 - 15 years?) but google searches of lines from the song turned up blank. Turns out I had it on tape. Now I just need something better than google to find it for me.

7. Books. Far too little reading in the first six months of this year, but I've been making up for lost time. Got many more lined up waiting for me--currently reading Armadale by Wilkie Collins and Summer, by Edith Wharton.

8. Like I need to waste more time when I don't have time for this blog: I'm thinking of creating a hockey blog; I've got all these old videotapes and souvenirs, and no shortage of opinions about the direction of my favorite team and skill set of its players, so why not?

Hope you're all enjoying weather as spectacular as ours is here.

The Kid Who Sits Behind You Explains High School Literature

2010-07-19T23:25:00.000-07:00

The Good Earth

So there's this Chinese farmer dude named Wang Chung who is all poor but he marries some chick who's a slave in a rich house and he's all "good, she's not hot" and she's all "my feet are too big" 'cause on account of back then they used to bind up their feet to save money since they don't have to keep buying shoes.

Then Wang Chung starts an 80s rock band and names it after himself and then gets himself a hooker to come live in his house and later he becomes an old perv and keeps buying people coffins like it's some sort of cool gift.

Oh, and he really liked his farmland, I think.

Finally

2010-07-08T08:20:00.000-07:00

After the suckiest June in a long time, and a crappy beginning of July, we now have heat. Probably harder to adjust to when the change is so fast. 32 degrees (89) yesterday and supposed to get hotter today and stay hot for a while.

No complaints here.

The Cynical Career Counselor Explains Your Future as a

2010-07-05T07:32:00.000-07:00

Chauffeur
Oh thanks for getting the door--not everybody around here's been taught basic courtesy; nice to see your folks brought you up right. You're my 9 a.m., right? Sorry, I got caught up in traffic on 20th and... anyway, I'm here now. Let's see, what's on the menu for this morning... Chauffeur? Okay, here's what that road will look like.

First, you need to make sure you've got pretty much the same training as a journeyman mechanic. You don't see it much in the movies, but when that touring car breaks down in the middle of nowhere, Mr. or Mrs. Big Bucks ain't gonna want to sit around waiting to ride in the cab of some smelly tow truck. You need to be able to spot problems before they happen--replace every belt, hose or anything else every year so they just can't wear out.

If something does go wrong, you'll need some long gloves and an apron, or maybe those disposable coveralls. It sounds stupid, but rich folk don't forgive you looking dirty--even if you got that way making sure they can get to their meeting or flight.

It's a ridiculously hard field to break into, but if you're completely ruthless, your best bet is to hire some goons to attempt to carjack the limo you want to drive, then you jump in with your martial arts training (did I mention you need that) and save the day. The limo driver will be hurt just enough to need to go to the hospital, and you'll offer to drive. In the brief conversation you have with the rich person you want to work for, you mention that you are a trained mechanic and you currently drive for a limo service. (Did I mention you'd need to get that job first?)

You'll be hired and the guy you got beat up will be paid off to go quietly. Your job will be as much about polishing the car and waiting around playing solitaire as it will be about driving. Even more boring will be the waits downtown while your employer is in meetings.

You'll wish for boring, though, at times. Like when your boss's son or daughter commandeer the limo (and you with it) for partying with their friends. It will take particular skill to clean up vomit and still keep your uniform pristine. More stressful yet are the times your discretion is most needed.

Your powerful employer seems happily married, but you will see the depths of his depravity as you cruise the seedier hooker drives, finding him willing partners for his disturbing personal preferences. The privacy window and your headphones will become your best friends on those days.

You never really know how your boss earns his money, but there are certain "meetings" that don't take place in any boardroom. You pick up a number of rather sketchy-looking types every week or two and they spend an hour or two in the limo as you drive around aimlessly. You hear bits of conversation when they yell at each other, and you soon realize that they're operating some businesses on the shady side of legal. You are paid to be discrete, though, and would never think of mentioning anything to your employer.

One day it goes further than yelling, though, and you are ordered by your boss to drive up to an old gravel pit. He informs you there's a shovel in the trunk and you are to start digging a hole. One of his less fortunate associates is soon tossed in, and you try not to let the others see your hands shaking as you shovel the dirt onto the grave.

The trauma of this experience makes you more agreeable when, a few days later, federal agents come calling and ask you to spy on your boss. You wear a wire and even plant a microphone in the back of the limo. It only takes a week for the authorities to gather enough evidence to put your employer away for a long time.

You worry that there may be repercussions, but you suffer nothing more serious than temporary unemployment in the months after the arrest. Eventually you find a job driving one of those airport-hotel shuttle vans. One morning you recognize one of your passengers coming in on flight from New York. He pretends not to know you, and agrees to wait in the van when an emergency call comes in from your kid's school--seems your child was late coming in from recess, and although it seems like something terrible may have happened, before the call is over your kid's safely back in class.

You thank your passenger for waiting, and he says nothing. When you drop him at the hotel, you don't notice the small remote he pulls out of his pocket. The explosion closes the downtown core for three hours--mostly so they can pick up as many pieces of you as possible.

Have fun.

25 Hilariously Inaccurate Knock-Off Toys

2010-06-23T23:21:00.000-07:00

25 Hilariously Inaccurate Knock-Off Toys

silly stuff from class part 1

2010-06-23T17:07:00.000-07:00

just a few moments from this past few months in my senior class:

Circle of Life

2010-06-22T10:46:00.001-07:00

When my wife and I were married 19 years ago (well, 18 years, 11 months and 2 wees ago) my wife's sister's twin daughters were our flower girls/ring bearers. Here's a pic:

One was married almost three years ago, and the other was married a week and a half ago.

I thought it was kind of cool that my daughter got to be a bridesmaid; who knows--maybe one of them will have suitable offspring to take part in a ceremony should either of my kids end up walking down the aisle at some point.

Time definitely flies by.

Imitation in the sincerest form of...

2010-06-15T22:22:00.000-07:00

Comedy, in this case.

I had my 10th graders recently working with the ideas of "triggers"--those things that stimulate odd responses in folks who appear otherwise normal. (Think that Monty Python sketch with the mattress salesman)

Here's one group's work that I particularly enjoyed:

And here's the original they borrowed the idea from (and yes, they were honest enough not to claim they'd invented the idea:

http://www.guzer.com/videos/funny-phobias-skit.php

Hmm--seems that BP are scuzzbags

2010-06-15T21:54:00.000-07:00

After seeing some headlines like "Obama's reaction to Oil Spill Anti-British?" and others suggesting that blaming BP for something that could happen to any company is somehow unfair, this made an interesting read.

Back to blogging

2010-06-14T12:28:00.001-07:00

First, you may notice a new template. I wasn't in love with the old one, and when they offer you some new templates that are easy to install--why not? At least now youtube videos won't have the right edge cut off by the narrow column width.

Life has been crazy busy--seems we went straight from show stuff to trip stuff to editing show and working on the dance show then the awards ceremony and wedding stuff...

Now it's simply end of year projects and marking, which isn't so very bad.

More junk will be finding its way onto this and the other blog. The other one will be where vids, pics or other stuff not appropriate to share in a fully public way will be located. If you aren't on that reading list, and would like to be, send me an email or leave a message in the comments.

And now onto today's post:

GRAD PRANKS

What is the best one you've heard of? We've had two now--this morning we arrived to find pages of porn photos taped all over the windows at the end of some hallways, and also all over the bathrooms, apparently. (I think the first probably happened during the weekend, but the second probably happened once the building opened this morning.)

Last week nine bunnies were turned loose in our enclosed courtyard. Unfortunately, they had been captured from the University, where there is a ridiculous number of them, and not all were in great shape. Once was injured and I think another was pregnant.

Still, it was funny to watch a vice principal and a couple of counselors chasing them around.

As pranks go, the ones this year aren't genius, but at least no serious property damage has transpired. Unoriginal types can't think of much beyond spray painted graffiti and broken windows. Artists are those who come up with truly unique pranks, like the ones who put my entire classroom's furniture contents on the roof, or the school I saw that had old tires tossed over the flag pole until they almost reached the top.

(Not easy to clean up--we learned that chainsaws and steel-belted radials aren't well matched.)

So, what's your suggestion? One I heard today is that since apparently cows can walk upstairs but not downstairs, taking a cow into one of our schools with several floors might prove an interesting experiment...

Any other ideas?

Wanna start a band?

2010-06-12T11:08:00.000-07:00

Currently in our house we have four guitars (3 acoustic, one electric), one piano, one accordian, three synthesizers, one trumpet, one saxophone, and just for the weekend--a gong. (taking it up for that wedding today)

I fear the days of parking both cars in the garage may give way to some sort of recording/rehearsal space if my son has his way.

technophile

2010-06-08T07:47:00.000-07:00

My kids were playing with words when we were out for dinner the other day, and wondering if you can add "phile" to any words that end with "phobe" and vice versa to mean the opposite. For "techno" it works, but they wondered if there is such a thing as a "claustrophile". Hmmm.

I'm not a technophobe--although there is a cordless phone base flashing 00:00 in our house, I'll admit. Just finished something kind of cool; my first HD movie.

I've recorded in HD before--had a camera that does it for a little while--but had no way to really share/save it for posterity. Yesterday, though, I burned an HD DVD, which will play on a blu-ray player. It's amazing how clear it is--probably will eventually ruin regular home movies for me the way watching HD hockey games has ruined watching at my dad's on his old-school tv. Well, maybe not.

The problem with the rapidly-changing technology is what to do with all the old stuff. I have a museum in one of my closets here at school of old video cameras that are too expensive to fix but that I'm loathe to just toss out. We've chucked several over the years, but one worry is that we'll eventually no longer have the means to play many of the old tapes that were recorded on 8mm or digital 8 video cassettes. I've got many hours of such featuring my kids from when they were babies right up until a couple of years ago.

Same with school tapes--there are a few old musicals that only exist on those 8mm tapes, and I fear that the two working Dig 8 cameras I have will give out before I get all that stuff transferred to other media.

I'm actually tempted to hire a student or even pay one of my own kids to spend some of the hours needed to begin doing this monumental chore.

Still, despite that inconvenience, the new toys are cool. I bought two more video cameras on Friday, and they've got the most amazing auto-exposure I've ever seen. You can actually tape something under stage lights and it doesn't simply shift between too dark and ridiculously bright--normally I always have to manually adjust, but somehow these newest designs have that taken care of.

Plus the price--about 1/4 what I paid for my first basic camera back around '97, it's amazing, really.

For the few of you still reading, sorry not much posting lately; writing script for my mc'ing of the awards ceremony this week, working on that toast for the wedding this weekend, and now trying to put together a slide show of the bride and groom's pasts for the reception as well--if only the groom's family would get those photos emailed to me...

Hope you've got some sunshine where you are today.

Nice story

2010-06-04T23:34:00.000-07:00

I posted it on my facebook as well; just a feel-good story to end the week with:

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/news/story?id=5218228

IRON BABY

2010-06-01T22:28:00.000-07:00

May you be half an hour in heaven...

2010-05-28T06:27:00.000-07:00

In two weeks I get the honour of toasting my niece at her wedding reception. Normally that wouldn't worry me much; I'm more one of those you have to hook off the stage rather than push onto it at times like this.

Thing is, there's a contingent in her family that doesn't like my type of humour too much. (In my opinion, they like to dish out the shots, but they can't take them.) She's not that way, but I've been warned not to go overboard (by others, not her). At the same time as those rather conservative, tee-totalin' folk worry about my smart-ass side, the groom's side, none of whom I've met, are reputed to be hard-drinkin' types recently from Ireland. The Irish invented good toasts; no pressure here. (See how the title of this blog entry ties in now? Clever, huh?)

Plus this wedding is going to be, like my niece, a bit on the quirky side. My daughter's one of the bridesmaids and with their lovely dresses they'll be wearing sequin-covered converse sneakers. (No they didn't add the sequins--they actually sell them that way.) The wedding dinner is pizza, and instead of following the Canadian tradition of the bride and groom passing out little wrapped pieces of wedding cake to everyone at the reception, they'll be giving each guest a bottle of Jones soda--bottles which have a variety of photos of the happy couple specially printed on the labels.

Oh, and I've obtained the gong she asked me to get as well. I hope they don't have to use it if I wax loquacious...

Paris

2010-05-15T17:10:00.000-07:00

More pics (click to view full size):

We ran into a bit of wet weather our first day, but didn't really get rained on. It was cold for May, though.

Louvre

Notre Dame

Champs Elysées

Arc de Triomphe

View from the Eiffel Tower

Maybe you don't watch FOX, but

2010-05-15T09:42:00.001-07:00

If you've ever seen Glenn Beck, you might like this; I did:

Bring on summer

2010-05-12T21:47:00.000-07:00

The Canucks lost last night to end their playoff hopes. That's now 40 years I believe that my dad and I have been cheering on futility. I kind of hoped we'd get to see a cup together, but he's not getting any younger and they just can't seem to get to that final level.

Oh well, now I don't have to watch hockey there are all sorts of things I can do... wait, Habs just knocked off Pittburgh?

Summer can wait another week or two, can't it?

Trip Photos #1

2010-05-10T08:01:00.000-07:00

I won't be posting many "people" photos here; I may post them on the other blog or just put the link there with password to the photobucket where I posted all the pics if anyone is interested.

Westminster Abbey

Near Buckingham Palace

The Thames from the London Eye

Thames and Houses of Parliament from the London Eye

Oxford

Room in the Divinity School where the Harry Potter infirmary scenes and the practicing for the dance scenes were filmed.

Some of the more fanatical Potter fans in our group re-enacted some scenes from the movie where they took place, such as the dance rehearsal above, or the scene where Mad-eye Moody turned Malfoy into a ferret.

Oh, those college kids.

House where Shakespeare was born in Stratford

This is the restored Roman Bath, located of course, in Bath. Photo below is also from Bath.

St. Paul's Cathedral

View from St. Paul's, for those willing to climb the 400+ stairs to get up there.

Our second show, We Will Rock You, which we saw on the Friday night. It was okay, but I wouldn't really recommend it, unlike Wicked, which was, well, wicked. If you are thinking of seeing it, I can give you specific details.

Camden Market (only one tiny bit of it--the market covers a large area with hundreds of shops and stalls) It was crazy there on the Saturday as the "Camden Crawl" was going on. More than 100,000 participants buy passes and can go into any of 21 pubs featuring live music from 11:00 a.m. to 4:00 a.m. over the long weekend.

I'll post the Paris photos later.

En français, s'il vous plait

2010-05-04T07:12:00.000-07:00

No posts for a while--I've been abroad. Technically, I still am. It's our last day in Paris and one of the boys has been feeling sick so I stayed back at the hotel while the others headed off to Montmartre. He and I ended up wandering a nearby mall and grocery store looking for some lunch when he felt a bit better, then caught the Metro and headed to where I thought the others would be.

About 15 Metro stops later, we come out to a high-end shopping neighbourhood, where I get no answer from the group members I call, and he and I decide we've no desire to wander about yet more shops so we head back to the hotel until we go meet them later for supper, then our boat cruise down the Seine this evening.

What's been surprising and rather fun has been the lack of fear I've felt trying out my rather broken high school french on locals, and how nice they've been about it. Just now I went down to the bar to get something to cut down a poster tube and I didn't have to use any hand gestures, simply the words and it was easy.

I'm looking forward more to our holiday here next year after I've had more time to continue working on rebuilding my vocabulary and working on the basic grammar and such.

I'll post some photos soon, I expect.

It's On!

2010-04-23T08:29:00.000-07:00

Yep, we're going.

We'll hope that the warnings about the neighbouring volcano which always erupts when the currently active one does are premature. (That sentence would be a lot better if I would bother to find the unpronounceable name of the one that's been in the news.)

Unlike the previous school trips to NY and London, this one won't have a local guide with us most of the time. I've got the directions and maps and there's a lot of self-navigating. The trick will be not to lose any of our 30 young charges in either city. Fortunately, the majority of the kids with us are French immersion types, so that will be helpful in Paris. Unfortunately, I'm pretty much useless except for comedic value when I try the language.

Now that we're definitely going, the Canucks will probably start winning. My dad and I have been following the team since it came into the league when I was in 3rd grade, and they've never one the cup--haven't done anything significant in the playoffs since '94.

Dad doesn't likely have too many years left, so it would be nice if they were still playing when I get home so we can watch some more playoff games together. With sucky goaltending and a defense corps riddled with injuries, it's not that likely.

Neuroticmom, looks like your son will get to see Ovechkin for another round despite some early worries--not sure about the Red Wings though. Jen--both your state's teams will likely be in the next round (one already is)--who do you cheer for again? (No, besides the Bears.)

Maybe I'll need to set the alarm for 4 a.m. to see some hockey online while I'm there...

(probably not)

Lovely

2010-04-19T11:51:00.000-07:00

gps tracking for your kids lets you eavesdrop electronically

Okay, if this saves a little kid who's been snatched because some parent had the foresight to sew it into a jacket or something, great. I just don't think that's going to be the main way this thing gets used.

The description of this device small enough to be sewn into a jacket or backpack includes:

To keep tabs on its whereabouts, you call it from your cell phone – it doesn’t ring but sends a text message back with its location that you can then pull up online through you smartphone or computer. You can set perimeters for safe zones, trigger a destination alert and it also has an emergency SOS button so whoever is carrying it can instantly alert you to a problem. It has voice monitoring so you can tune in on conversations without the people at the other end knowing.

Could be useful for gathering evidence in divorce proceedings too, I suppose.

shit

2010-04-17T23:44:00.000-07:00

Not looking good

"Britain faces being grounded for the coming week as the cloud of volcanic ash hovering over the country threatens to stay put until Friday."

and

"Five million travellers, including as many as 1m Britons, are stranded or unable to fly. Some have been told they may not get home until next month. A group of schoolgirl fencers from Durham stranded in Beijing said they had been told they might not be able to fly back until May 4."

I have no idea how the money is going to work out if this all falls apart. Yes, ticketmaster UK did offer insurance at 3.5 pounds per ticket, but you could only buy it if you were a UK resident for the past 6 months.

I've got 4500 pounds outstanding on my work credit card for tickets to two shows right now, and if the families all get reimbursed their full amount, the money I counted on to pay for that will be gone. This is almost 7 thousand dollars.

Stupid plate tectonics.

fingers crossed

2010-04-16T23:35:00.000-07:00

One week tomorrow we depart for Heathrow--all 35 of us. Now this volcano may be placing that in jeopardy.

It would be a horrible disappointment to the kids, if we couldn't go. Sure there's insurance that I think covers the trip cost each paid, but that doesn't make it up. (Plus I'm screwed on the almost 7 grand I've paid for theatre tickets if we have to cancel this. Anybody know any good scalpers in London?)

Poetry by Dythandra

2010-04-08T23:02:00.000-07:00

Let Freedom Ring
(sequel to this poem--read it first)

He hands me the cheque--one month rent, plus damage deposit
Who'd have guessed a dead body could be so animated,
But that's what he swore he'd be
Sooner than help me flee the nest.

But that was a few weeks ago,
And his Maginot Line meant little
When my mother is Belgium.

Five months into her sobriety,
She's a little... intense.
I get nervous just watching her pour tea,
But at least she's still awake at sundown.

She finds things to keep her busy,
Keep her mind occupied with anything other
Than the 1.4 mile drive to Liquor Depot.

Wouldn't she want to shed me, the hellchild
To extinguish the daily challenge I offer
To her continued sober state of mind?

No, she hangs on like grim death
(Is life alone with Pater a scarier proposition?)
And bleats to him that I'm not ready.
She doesn't know how to clean, or cook, or budget
Maybe not, but if the neighbor's cat slept the hood of MY new Jetta every night,
My vengeance would be quick, and final.

Father is less shrill, but just as obstinate
He doesn't work all day to waste his money
On the debauchery he imagines
My new home will host.

I dare not even hint at my goal:
The small apartment over the tattoo place where I used to work.

Instead, I take advantage of Mother's natural curiosity
Which, coupled with her boredom,
Assures she'll go check the computer
When I swear at it and run out the door.

I'd "forgotten" to completely close my facebook
There's the message exchange for her to see:
"Snake" the scary-looking biker and I
Working out the details--me moving into the loft of their clubhouse,
His assurance that though I may lack the cash for rent
There are other ways to work off that debt.

I'm away a few hours, and as expected,
There are two of them waiting when I return.
They won't admit to reading my facebook,
Instead speaking of second thoughts,
And keeping open lines of communication.

They ask if I've got any places in mind,
I allude to the biker loft, reluctantly admit there's another choice;
They agree to check it out.

A lovely Mormon girl opens the door--Beatrice
She's the dream of what they wish I'd be,
She owes me for ghostwriting the essay on DH Lawrence
That was impossible for one paralyzed
By a fear of all things carnal.

My real future roommate is away
Courtesy of a judge
Who frowns on parole violations.
I'll share her with the parents
After the lease is signed.

No surprises--their relief is palpable,
And a cheque for two months rent, with more postdated,
Wins my escape from suburban bliss.

That night Snake vanishes from facebook,
He served me well, a photo harvested from a Harley site
A few lines of info
That painted my parents' worst nightmare

My young faux roommate shudders before she leaves,
Watching me trash the half-dozen traps I inherited
From the previous tenant.

Tonight when the furry denizens of my walls
Come searching for their scaps and crumbs,
They'll meet a kinder welcome,
And I'll have all those pets
My childhood was denied.

Addendum

2010-04-05T00:13:00.000-07:00

I mentioned on the last post below the "other" blog. It's private, to allow me to be a little more specific about things I might not otherwise mention.

There are maybe 10 people on the invited reading list. A while back I was trying to fix templates and settings and a few people got deleted, none deliberately. If you're wanting to read it, just send me an email and put "add me" in the subject line. I'll add you to the reader list and that will automatically send you an invite with a link.

mail to japurple01@ (putting this in to prevent spambot discovery) hotmail.com

My only request is that you respect the material in that blog is not stuff I'm 100% wanting shared around, but there's nothing outrageous in it.

Quick and Random

2010-04-04T08:38:00.000-07:00

1. Stupid phone companies - If you live in Canada (and the U.S.) you're probably getting ripped off by your cell phone provider. All the extra "network" fees and such masquerade as pseudo-taxes or government charges, but these are just another label to add profit while fooling some. Just bought a cell as a "global" and "world ready". Turns out it's one of the few cell phones that is impossible to unlock. Even when you go to the hacker that the phone store passes you the number for, it can't be done.

So yes, it's a "world phone", provided I'm willing to pay 3 bucks a minute for every call and probably 2 bucks per text. Taking a bunch of kids to Europe in a few weeks and that isn't going to work. I hope trading phones with my son will work for those two weeks--maybe his can be unlocked.

2. Dana Carvey - I used to like him on Saturday Night Live, but caught two minutes of him riffing on Leno the other night. (I would never deliberately choose to watch that show--merely channel flipping.) He's so out of touch it's sad. Kept doing the same Al Gore shtick, which wasn't very good, then made a quick mention of Beyonce and Lady Gaga as he awkwardly segued into a Neil Young impression followed by Jimmy Stewart. When a Vice President impression you flogged more than a decade ago when he was in office is your most relevant material, you need to pack it in.

3. Stupid fashion/modeling business that still promotes ridiculous body images - I thought this was changing; remember a couple of years ago the media storm that was created when Spain (I think) banned models that were too thin? This week I ran into the girl I sort of steered towards modeling a while back and as usual, she updated me on her progress. Turns out "New York" wants her when she "gets her measurements". I didn't understand at first, but she explained she still needs to lose pounds/inches before she goes to see them next, per their instructions. This girl is 5'11" and 130 pounds, and as a competitive rower she shouldn't/couldn't healthily weigh less. She explains the look is still "gaunt", and while she called it "gross", she's still heading that direction. She and I agree that two former grads, one from last year and one from the year before, have both crossed the line and are in the heroin chic zone, with sunken cheeks, dull eyes and broomstick upper arms. (One of these two has been recently the topic of raves in a number of model/fashion sites as the next big thing on the runways of NY--I may post some before/after pics/links on my other blog to show what I'm on about.)

4. Online video - I remember back during the Paul Bernardo trial maybe a dozen years ago that there was a lot of bother about the fact there was a publication ban of any information here in Canada, but U.S. news outlets weren't limited by it. People were finding stuff out on the 'net, but it wasn't seen as too big a problem because not that many people could figure out how to do it, or had access. Same with our old election laws; the polls would close back east four hours ahead of out time zone, and broadcasters weren't allowed to give results here until ours closed. The internet changed that, and our polling times were synced up better to prevent it being much of an issue.

Now, the folks who put internet content online know where you surf from, and for any U.S. network shows or clips, I usually get the message "not available in your region". I can watch dozens of American stations on my TV, but if I want to see any of the shows I missed online, it somehow becomes illegal due to copyright laws?

I've downloaded a fix for this that supposedly masks your browser's country of origin, but never been able to make it work. I guess it would need to matter more for me to bother.

5. Smart kids - Project time is upon us, and one group of three girls had to present early since one member was heading out of the country for a few weeks. I hadn't placed any of these three among the top half of the considerable intellects in this tenth-grade crew, but they got up and did a substantial section from No Exit by Sartre which they had adapted a little bit themselves. As we discussed it, it not only became clear they'd read and understood all of the original, but that the class "got" what they were doing as well.

It may be the smartest class I've had overall, full of mostly high-achieving French immersion types. 'Tis fun.

Happy Easter. Enjoy the chocolate. We're off to church now.

Some spring break pics

2010-03-30T20:31:00.000-07:00

Alas, less than two weeks ago we were enjoying the warmth of the desert, but now we're home and it seems like that was almost a dream. It was a nice trip:

This is the view from the street of the house we called home in La Quinta.

The pool was great, and yeah, of course we're pale as a fish's underbelly, but it's March, so I bet you are too, right? (shut up if you're in Honduras)

There are hundreds of these windmills west of Palm Springs--they're huge and as my son pointed out, kind of make you think of something from War of the Worlds.

Then there are the Joshua Trees--we spent an afternoon driving through the park and stopping along the way. These trees are kind of bizarre--most look like something out of Dr. Seuss.

Great weather at Disneyland--low 80s, but cooled off a lot after dark.

Overall, a great trip--would love to go back again, particularly when the weather's like it's been here this week.

A Few Questions I'd like to ask

2010-03-22T12:18:00.000-07:00

Dear City Council of La Quinta, CA,

Why don't you seem to have restrictions about watering? Surely there in the desert you might want to conserve water a bit? What's with the very green lawns and people watering at noon and much of it running down the street? Seriously, we have tougher restrictions up here on the 'wet coast'.

Dear American Restaurants,

Why so much food? I mean, I have a decent appetite, and I rarely don't clean my plate when I go out for a meal here, but down there--I never managed to finish a meal once. I gained three pounds over those 9 days, and we ate at least half our meals back at the house. Seriously, do you all need to eat that much?

Dear Disability Fakers,

Yes, I know the lineups at Disneyland are long, but really, don't you feel like scumbags jumping in a wheelchair and pretending you are disabled? Here's a clue--when you giggle and screw around like you've never been in a wheelchair before, and you're wearing your basketball camp t-shirt, I'm guessing you're full of shit. See that lady rushing out of the park because there's a crisis with the oxygen tank attached to her kid's wheelchair? There the ones the policy is there for--not for stupid selfish a-holes like yourselves.

Dear Air Canada,

You might want to let us know that your "partner" airline, United, charges 23 bucks a pop for checked bags. We didn't have to pay anything on the way down, but surprise, surprise, we can't check in without getting dinged. Plus, United, your non-existent meal service on that 40 year old 757 sucks.

Dear Disneyland,

Forgetting the troubling racial stereotypes in Small World (which still seems like something you'd only want to ride if you're seriously high), is it necessary for the Pirates of the Carribean to have a "wench auction" as part of the ride? I didn't notice the "ravage and pillage" line in the song this time, but I see the women chained together in a line at the auction of wives and the voiceover telling the one on display to turn around to show her stern side or whatever, and wonder if that's the sort of enlightened 21st century thinking we want to share with the little kids who experience this.

Dear Attendees of the BNP Paribas Open Tennis Tournament at Indian Wells,

Yeah, I saw you all there at Las Casuelas--they warned us even with a reservation, there might be a bit of a wait because of the tennis tournament. Big deal, this tennis tourney--saw it on lots of TVs around in restaurants and even on TSN here at home yesterday. So, seeing you all standing around the bar, being noisy and groping each other, here's my question: Was it father-daughter half-price day at the tourney, or are there really that many trophy wives/girlfriends who accompany their sugar daddies to this sort of event? Seriously, maybe the designer tennis shorts look good on those long legs and the tan sets off that huge rock on your finger, but he's probably closer to your granddad's age than your father's. Yuk.

Post-trip (was Day 9 in SoCal)

2010-03-17T08:30:00.000-07:00

(First part of post that wasn't posted:)
Back from Disneyland, and six years later there's not all that many changes--but taking a 14 and 16 year old is much different than and 8 and 10 year old. Don't have to sit through things like "Heimlich's Choo-Choo"--the worst ride ever created--just because of its connection to Bug's Life.

No, California Screamin', Space Mountain and rides like that were more to their taste now. Weather's been amazing, but maybe even too hot at times--up to high 80s at the park yesterday.

Today will be last full day here at La Quinta. We'll probably swim and sit by the pool for a while, since it's supposed to hit 89 or 90 here. Then tomorrow we'll head home, where we can look forward to a forecast of sunny for the next few days, then 15 days of rain in a row, if the weather network is to be believed. A high of 54 isn't going to seem very warm.

I can see the appeal of this place, but it's too hot for five or six months of the year, so unless you want to hide out in an air-conditioned house and then make the dash in air-conditioned car to air-conditioned stores and then home again, you'd live somewhere else in the summer.

But what about family? Retirement without being around loved ones seems a bit... hollow. Maybe if you're estranged from your kids, or don't have any, then it's easier, but I could only see coming down for a month or six weeks at a time when I hit that stage of life.

EDIT - PART TWO - It's now Sunday, and we've been home for a few days. Tomorrow morning I'm back to work, and I'm kind of looking forward to seeing everyone. Now it's time to gear up for the trip to Europe in six weeks, so I guess that's what I'll be busy with for the next little while.

It was a little hard to go from 32 degrees (close to 90) to highs of 12 or 13 (mid 50s), but some sunshine made it easier. Getting up at 6:15, though--that's going to be tough.

I'll probably post some pics soon.

Don't hate me 'cause I'm warm

2010-03-11T10:10:00.000-08:00

I love spring break--show's done, stress is less, and none of the social/family obligations of Christmas. Add to that the fact that this year's our first two-week spring break, and it's even better.

Monday morning as we packed it was snowing. Snowing! Why couldn't that have been around a couple weeks earlier for the Olympics. It was just as cold when we stayed that night in Richmond, before flying out.

But now we're in the Palm Springs area--La Quinta, a nice resort town, where we've got a house for 10 days. We probably wouldn't have done something like this, but we got carried away a year ago bidding on a stay at the house as part of the silent auction to raise money for a trip to Mexico my son was going on to build houses for the poor. The house has a pool, which we've been in both days we've been here, and was amazingly warm yesterday:

Still close to freezing at home this morning; today it's supposed to be 77 here and be up in the mid 80s by early next week. Sunday we're off to Disneyland for a couple days.

It's really very pretty around here; there are flowers everywhere. Yesterday we did a bunch of stuff ranging from visiting a date farm (complete with migrant workers) out in the desert past Indio, to wandering the ridiculous outlet mall west of Palm Springs.

Today it's Joshua Tree national park. (and more time in the pool)

Don't be a hater if it's cold where you are.

Where the buck stops

2010-03-05T16:39:00.000-08:00

Finished with another show last weekend--it's always a huge relief to be done with the tremendous time commitments and tyranny of details that make life so crazy when one's working on a show. This year was different for several reasons, though I suppose I could say that about every year.

We did a pretty obscure show, compared to the sort of thing I usually choose. You won't find it on the playbill at many schools or other theatres for that matter. I don't think anyone here on the island has ever done it before, and that presents a few challenges.

I never really allow time or resources to focus on publicity. We haven't had to in recent years because they pretty much always sell out, with the possible exception of opening night. This year, though, we had a couple of challenges--the lack of name recognition of the show, and the competition of major Olympic events every night.

On our Friday evening show, for instance, we went head-to-head with the Canada-Slovakia semi-final game. We sold 182 tickets for that performance; 159 people showed up.

On the plus side, I worked with a new choreographer this year, who also happened to be our choral coach. Having one person who could do both jobs, do them well, and who'd also been a director was a great help, especially when my father in law was in his final days in hospice and I didn't have to worry about missing a rehearsal to be with my family.

I recalled thinking when my mom died three weeks before the opening of last year's show that had I not had an amazing student teacher, I'd have been forced to make some tough choices that I wouldn't want to make. Now I work with another director, so the main challenge is that we both can have our own opinions of how a scene or number should work, so there's more discussion in the creative process. Since we get along well, this works.

Also this year: nicest kids ever. I don't know what it is, but this year is my 16th year in my school and I'd put the overall student population up against any previous group in the "great people" category. There are just so many genuine, kind and thoughtful students around that it's a privilege to work with them. With great kids often come great parents, and this year's been good in that respect as well.

As director, you get to wear responsibility for a bunch of things that sometimes you have no control over. For instance, there was another show I might've liked to do better, but it wasn't something a partner in our teaching team wanted to do this year. In auditions, kids see me as the one who gets final say, but this year all three of us battled to see our choices in or our rejected candidates stay out.

One girl, I recall, did a great read and song, but because she'd have to be part of a fairly intense group of dance girls, she got rejected by the choreographer. I chose her but got convinced out of that choice. Still, for months she and another in a similar situation gave me the hostile stares of death when I walked by.

We had a debrief session on Monday to wrap up and have them do a little reflection and self-evaluation. I asked some questions about their feelings regarding the show in general, and was a little taken aback by how much they didn't like its departure from the stereotypical musical formula.

"No clear-cut resolution or ending, no real romance, the family/couple at the center of the story don't fix their problems, the mean girl who caused so much hurt never gets caught or punished..."

All of these things bothered them.

Interestingly, the fact that it didn't conform to the standards of schmaltz that typify musicals is what made some adults react so positively to it. A few of the higher-ups in the school board said they liked it better than any school show they'd seen.

I think a lot of teenagers are pretty conformist and conservative when it comes to their tastes in things like this. They might appear to embrace the alternative, the avante gard, but they really want another just like the others that came before.

One thing I've never willingly done, though, is double cast. I was surprised to hear a woman whose work I've watched and respected for some time is choosing to do that this year. Her studio has a record of producing some pretty impressive shows with high school students, and this year one of my grade 12s is being cast as one of the leads, but will alternate shows with another girl.

I know from my one-time experience--forced on me by a cast member's sudden serious health issues--that it's a lot more work. I think some of them sense that too, because another member of the group shared an email exchange with me about just that fear that is worrying some of the troupe.

I don't have to worry about that, though. Two weeks of wonderful holiday begin now. I'm ready.

Poetry by Dythandra

2010-03-03T07:56:00.000-08:00

My Nation, Apart

What time did you get in last night?
Was there somebody in the upstairs shower this morning?
Do you even know what the floor of that room looks like?

Questions. I assume they’re all rhetorical.
Strange, I haven’t grown an inch since I was 15
But the house is too tight a fit lately.

It wasn’t supposed to be this way
High school done, college underway
And yet,
Stuck here still, in the prison of my youth.

It’s not that I crave dorm life,
No doubt it would simply prove Sartre’s contention
That hell is other people.

No, a place of my own is the limit of my ambition,
But that too, rendered impossible,
As my part time prep cook wages
Barely pay for cigarettes,
And blond bitches never share their tips.

Rushing home on days I know my grades might arrive,
Thwarting the parentals’ inquisitive steps
To acquire another bludgeon in their ongoing plan
To pummel my spirit
Into acquiescence.

There is a better option, I try to explain
A little financial support
For their only offspring

And we’d all be free from this mundane purgatory.
But deep-down, they feel just the two of them might be even worse
Than reliving out the daily, disdain-driven dialogues
That suck the marrow from my soul.

As always, though, I have a plan
And I am never the lesser of two evils.

Dear Tape Manufacturers of the World

2010-02-25T07:45:00.000-08:00

You suck.

We've had "bio boards" up during our shows for at least a decade, and every year the head shots are taped to paper and then to the boards, along with a typed biography of each cast and band member.

Apparently, the human race is no longer capable of making tape that sticks. Other years, maybe one or two photos might fall off over the week, but now--it's like autumn under those things every day.

We've tried masking tape, duct tape, scotch tape, double-sided craft tape--they all suck. We're not talking no-name dollar store tape, but "Scotch" and other name brand stuff. Yes, 3M, I'm talking to you.

I don't see the value of "mildly sticky" strips of plastic for society as a whole. Can someone explain this? Did PETA get wind of that magic adhesive ingredient made from the livers of baby goats and force you to change the formula?

What's next for the human race? Will we forget how to make matches? Whiteboard markers? I fear just as the polar ice is a marker evidencing global warming, widespread tape failure is an indicator of something perhaps even more ominous:

We've peaked as a species.

Today show comes to visit

2010-02-24T07:54:00.000-08:00

The Today Show is in Vancouver for the Olympics so they took a seaplane to come over here last week. Yes, there's even proof that trees are in bloom.

It probably won't be on their site too long, but it's on this morning's show and the link to the video is here if you want to have a look:

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/35017294/vp/35558956#35558956

The Empress Hotel got some pretty amazing publicity from this. Fortunately it was sunny all last week; if they'd come over today it wouldn't be so pretty.

Shouldn't have defiled that mummy's tomb

2010-02-22T16:09:00.001-08:00

'Cause I must've done something to get that string of luck going this weekend.

Just finished the 33 hours in four days of hopefully getting this show into shape for opening in a few hours. I'm not as suspicious as theatre folks often are, but hopefully events of the last few days aren't some sort of portent.

First, Thursday, I turn on my computer and... nothing. This is my laptop that has worked fine for the last two and a half years or so and suddenly is dead. It's got the slide show on it that's a crucial part of the musical, and I don't have backups for some of the photos, including the ones that were not much fun to get.

The computer store I rushed it to informed me after checking it out it would cost about two grand to replace the logic board--more than it's worth. I ended up buying a new computer and they were able to get the hard drive stuff transferred by the end of the day.

Then Saturday, I get in early to work with the crew and my master key breaks off in the theatre door. Lots of fun and I eventually get the broken key out, and have to borrow other keys for the rest of the day. Then, shortly after that, I'm hanging and changing a few lights and our lift dies. It's been fine for about six years, but suddenly, nothing.

Find a ladder, but it's chained with a lock I can't open. Leave lights for another day--show opens in two days by that point, though. Then, yesterday, my daughter is trying to print up sign-in sheets, biography and program stuff when we discover the printer has broken as well.

Hopefully tonight won't offer any more surprises like this. (crosses fingers)

We'll likely be half-empty tonight, then full every other night. Saturday has been sold out for a while and Wednesday and Friday are pretty much sold out as well. I hope the kids can find energy tonight, even without a big audience to feed it to them.

Off to work on the program now.

I've got a friend in Toronto--maybe you know him?

2010-02-13T00:28:00.001-08:00

Ever have that happen when you're traveling? You explain where you're from and somebody asks if you know a random stranger who lives thousands of miles away?

It's a big place, Canada, and the torch relay emphasized that point. The first day the torch arrived in the country it came here, to our city, and at one of the spots where it was celebrated my daughter and our school band played and I took some pics and posted them the next day (halloween).

The end of that torch journey came tonight, as the 2010 games opened in Vancouver. It was hard to watch the terrible fatal accident on the luge track earlier in the day, and the tributes to the young Georgian who died were done well, I thought.

We had a family gathering here this evening; wife's sister's family don't have cable but ordered it for the Games--turned out the cable company couldn't manage to do it for some technical reasons once they showed up. I recorded the ceremony and we came down and watched it after supper. I wasn't and still am not thrilled about all the costs of these games-now and in the future--but it's hard not to get caught up in a pretty cool show.

There were a few random "connections" noticed as we watched. Again, not all Canadians know each other, but here were ours:

A couple of days ago I showed my senior kids video of a rehearsal of a musical I directed in '92 as a lead-in to an assignment on theatre in the round. We never actually recorded a performance, mostly because there is no unobtrusive way to record theatre in the round.

What impressed the kids most, though, was 13-year old Nelly Furtado singing beautifully for one so young. "Why don't you sell this on e-bay or something?" they asked. "Don't think it would be right," I explain.

She sang in the ceremony tonight with Bryan Adams. I went to high school with Pat Steward, who was his drummer for at least three years. I saw Pat play on Letterman, Saturday Night Live and other shows with that band. I ran in to him after that gig ended at a restaurant downtown; he recognized me and we got talking and he invited me to come hear him play with a new band at a club that night. I went, and between sets we caught up and he told me a few stories about his Bryan Adams days.

Steve Nash, two-time NBA MVP was one of the final four chosen to ignite the big torch inside the stadium tonight. His parents lived next door to my sister-in-law and her family--the house where Steve lived as a teenager. My 8 year-old nephew was thrilled to see someone he recognized from the bobble head doll Steve's parents once gave him while they still lived next door.

Finally, about a month ago I posted about the young spoken word poet who who did a show in my theatre. Shane Koyczan came in a little early while my class was going on down below; I got to chat with him found him a very nice, humble guy. Tonight he was up there in front of an estimated worldwide audience of 3 billion (I think that's high but I've read it a couple of places) where he defined Canada through his poetry.

It's not a small country, but sometimes we just seem to bump into each other a lot.

Drive time losers

2010-02-09T14:56:00.000-08:00

Note to radio stations:

Most people change the stations during your stupid contests. We're listening for whatever it is about your programming we like, whether it's music, traffic, news, or something else. It's not to try to be caller number 17 so we can answer some stupid trivia question about some celebrity so that then our names can be entered in a draw to go to Vegas or something.

Many of us are in cars; it's now illegal to be calling in. Most of the rest are in a hurry to get to work or school, and don't have time to wait on the phone to hear if Buzz and Wacky Jim choose us to play next.

Yes, I realize it's just a way to plug your sponsors' products, but it still sucks. At least recognize this and don't promo these sucky segments ahead of time; you're just warning us to change the station.

Idiots.

See Ahnold Run

2010-02-09T06:39:00.000-08:00

The Olympics are almost here. Record setting warm January, protesters ready for action, and downtown Vancouver closed to most who actually work in the area. Dump trucks are bringing in snow at $1000 per load, and I don't even want to think how much the helicopter loads are costing.

Meanwhile, here on the island, Mount Washington's base is over 150 inches. Since they aren't allowing skiers to go on the trucked-in snow they're readying for the actual competition, many are up island training. Here's the link to Mt. Washington's page where they include which Olympic competitors can be spotted on the mountain.

Aside from all this, though, the latest news is all about Arnold. Seems that while longtime Vancouver hockey captain and best-loved Canuck of all time Trevor Linden is considered "too much a local celebrity and not connected to the Olympics" to be one of the last torch carriers, some other choices who seem less deserving have made the cut. I don't know how many are in the final leg--probably a hundred--but I expect it's the last few as it comes towards the stadium for the final ceremonies that matters in the minds of some. When I went to see my daughter and the rest of our school band play at the ceremony here a few months ago when the torch arrived in Canada, there were a lot of different folks carrying the torch as it made its way to the ceremony.

Many were long-time local coaches or community volunteers; certainly there was no great need to be a superstar to get this honour.

Now though, it seems that one of the people carrying the torch nearer its final destination at the opening ceremony will be Arnold Schwarzenegger. Why? Lots of people have been wondering.

It's simple. Our premier has had a hero crush for some time on Arnold. We pay a lot more to the government now since the premier instituted his carbon tax not long ago, something that helped draw him and pal Arnold closer together. This is one more way he can get in good with his big buddy from California.

Meh--I bet NBC will like it.

The Cynical Career Counselor Explains Your Future as a

2010-02-05T23:06:00.000-08:00

Parole Officer

Hi kid--I remember you; you ratted out the taggers after all that graffiti from grad night last year, right? Still walking home the long way?

So, parole officer, huh? I think your path might be something like this:

You’ll take one of those criminal justice programs because they promise great jobs but really, it’s a scam. When you strike out job hunting afterwards, you’ll realize you shouldn’t make your college choices based on ads that pop up on facebook.

Then you’ll suck it up and get a degree in social work with some law courses thrown in. You’ll be accepted into a internship program job shadowing a 20-year veteran of the parole gig, and you’ll quickly volunteer to drive, since going from appointment to appointment in his 15 year old Jetta filled with the detritus of a pathetic, lonely life is an assault to too many of your senses.

Your mentor lives on coffee and cigarettes, and revels in sharing horror stories that make you shudder. By this time he’s lost any ideals he may have once had about the job and his goal is to put in the last six years before his pension while making as few waves as possible.

You swear to yourself you’ll never be like him. You steel yourself against the nervousness that comes from daily exposure to hardened criminals who see parole officers as snitches for the state, and wonder about taking karate lessons.

You graduate from the program; then look for work. The problem with your chosen profession is that it doesn’t pay enough to live in a larger city, and most small towns don’t have full time parole jobs. It means that you’ll either end up living in a crappy studio apartment in a sketchy part of the city, or commuting for 90 minutes each way to your home in the distant suburbs.

Starting out is even worse; you settle for the only work you can find--you go on call as a substitute parole officer. There is plenty of work, since you are replacing people who call in sick as often as they can get away with it. That will be fun--cold calling felons and never knowing which are the truly dangerous psychos.

There are a few scary moments, and your nose is broken once or twice, but you survive. Your lucky break comes when your former mentor is killed by friends of an irate con who was sent back to prison for parole violations, and you get the dead guy's job.

You throw yourself into your assignment with the best of intentions, but soon the constant frustration of trying to talk employers out of firing irresponsible, dysfunctional ex-cons wears you down. You dread checking your voicemail when every day there’s another call from an irate landlord wanting to know what you’re going to do about the latest outrage committed by one of your charges.

After five years you’re ready to quit when you meet Miranda. Up to this time, you hadn’t had much success dating--seems your crappy home and income didn’t impress, and your job-induced depression wasn’t attractive, either. Miranda, though, is something different. You’re struck by her simple beauty and charmed by her British accent. She’s so different from all the other cons you’ve worked with, and you can hardly believe this refined, delicate girl could be a criminal.

You remember to shave and wear a tie on days you’re meeting with her, and you work extra hard to find her a decent apartment; in fact, you get the manager of your building to let her have the suite above yours. She repays you by cooking you the occasional dinner, or dropping by with tea after you’ve had a bad day.

During one of these visits she tells you her life story, filling in the details not recorded in her file. Swept up in a romance with an older man shortly after she finished high school, she was already in love with him before she realized he was a con man. Soon she became his partner, and the two of them fleeced seniors of their savings across half the continent. When, after three years, they were caught, the twenty-four year old Miranda agreed to testify against her lover for a reduced sentence.

Somehow you rationalize crossing the line in your relationship with her, and feel no shame as you write her one great report after another. Her parole ends, and you give her a glowing reference that helps her land a job as a personal care attendant. It’s not the most pleasant work, but the job market for ex-cons isn’t very forgiving.

Her work schedule keeps her out many evenings, you tell yourself, and totally smitten, you don’t notice she’s pulling back. She seems grateful for your help, though, like when you arrange to fast track her application to have her criminal record expunged. Still, eventually you realize things aren’t right; you are hurt when she’s never answers your calls or messages, and you get angry when you see her bring home the attractive son of her personal care client.

You throw yourself back into your work and try to ignore your broken heart. Six months later, she calls you. You’re elated when she asks you out for a drink, and then admits to her affair with the wealthy young man you spotted her with. It’s over, she promises, and she wants to reconnect with you. You don’t think to question her motives, and she waits a couple of weeks before springing her special request.

She wants you to help free Neville, her old boyfriend. He’s facing a parole hearing and hasn’t been an ideal inmate. You're shocked at first, but she explains that she feels guilty because his sick father is dying alone back in England, and since she helped put Neville behind bars, she’d like to help make sure he’s there for his father’s final moments.

You’re still too in love to use good judgment, and you arrange to be on Neville’s parole review panel. You cross the line even further; you sneak into the office late one evening and remove all the negative reports from Neville’s file. It works like a charm, and he’s freed. The next night he joins you and Miranda for dinner--his “going away party”, she explains. You are uncomfortable, and you notice they seem to be looking at each other more often than you’d like. You end up drinking too much, and wake up the next morning in your apartment, alone.

You discover your wallet has been emptied of your credit cards, and your cell phone is missing. You convince the landlord to let you into Miranda’s apartment, only to discover she’s bolted. You do bit more investigating and find that Neville’s parents are both living happily in England, and he has not boarded any flights--at least not using his own name.

The next three months are miserable, but only a prologue to the real tragedy. Neville and Miranda are identified as the perpetrators of a scam that swindled several hundred thousand dollars from an Atlanta-based charity for terminally ill children. Authorities begin digging into their histories, and before long your collusion in Neville’s premature release is revealed.

Your conspiracy conviction results in a sentence of three years. Hopefully, your former clients won’t be waiting with scores to settle, and with luck, you’ll one day have a parole officer of your very own.

Quiznos is creepy

2010-01-31T18:42:00.000-08:00

A flier announcing double deals from Quiznos arrived at our house last week. If you looked closely, you saw this on the bottom of it:

Really, Quiznos? If you had just said "double your pleasure", my mind wouldn't have gone there, but clearly, the ad folks at Quiznos have theirs in the gutter. What's next? There was something else meant by "double your pleasure" with those Doublemint twins commercials?

I'm very disillusioned right now.

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The Cynical Career Counselor Explains Your Future as a

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The Cynical Career Counselor Explains Your Future as a

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